


Four Thousand Miles

by mackerelmademedoit



Category: Free!
Genre: Crushes, Fluff, Light Angst, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Post-Finale, Skype, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-26
Updated: 2015-06-06
Packaged: 2018-02-18 21:43:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2363129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mackerelmademedoit/pseuds/mackerelmademedoit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <b>MOST LIKELY ON PERMANENT HIATUS AS I'VE LEFT THE FANDOM. Sorry! </b>
</p><p>It's frustrating that the person who Rin missed the most was also the absolute worst at keeping in contact with people in general.</p><p>Post-Finale fic inspired by the many long-distance Skype dating rinharu headcanons that have been circulating around tumblr. </p><p>Eventual romance and possibly mature content for later chapters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've kind of fallen in love with long-distance pro!rinharu.

Rin sighed and minimized the Skype window to his taskbar with a mouse click that was probably more forceful than was necessary. It was now the third day that week that he had tried and failed to connect a call through to Haru, and he was starting to lose his patience.

Resisting the urge to bombard Haru's phone with a series of questioning emails, he fell back onto his bed and closed his eyes. He knew he shouldn't be surprised at this turn of events. This was Haru after all - the boy who for years let his phone gather dust on his desk and probably turned it on once every few weeks - but he had thought that things would be a bit different now. Even more so as it had been Haru _himself_ who had insisted that they stay in contact whilst Rin was in Australia, (almost causing Rin to choke on his drink in response).

His eyes snapped open and he let out a groan of frustration as he rolled over on his bed, pressing his face into the pillow as a paranoid thought suddenly struck him. Had he been too enthusiastic? Maybe suggesting Skype had been a bad idea on his part? Especially as they had already agreed to email and write letters. Had he scared Haru off? Expecting someone who barely even emailed to start Skyping regularly might have been too much of a stretch. Rin frowned to himself and quickly dismissed that thought. If it was one thing he did know, it was that Haru was always up for a challenge. He was probably over-thinking all this.

A ringing noise from his PC startled him out of his anxious train of thought and he stumbled off his bed towards his PC, almost tripping over his own feet as he scrambled to sit in his chair and reach for his mouse. A Skype call from Haru.

Now that it was happening, he suddenly felt nervous. His heart was still beating fast from the initial shock, which didn't help to relax him at all. He quickly used his webcam to adjust his hair before answering the call with a decidedly more timid click of his mouse button than what he had previously subjected it to.

"Haru?"

His eyes quickly scanned the display window for the familiar face of his friend, but only a blank space was displayed. His eyes narrowed in suspicion until a message popped up at the bottom of the screen distracting him.

_Hello._

"Haru?", Rin said again, still with slight uncertainty in his voice, "Is that you? Can you see and hear me okay?"

_I can hear you fine._

Rin resisted the temptation to roll his eyes at Haru's partial answer. At least he knew for sure now that it was indeed Haru he was talking to. Typical.

"Why have you got your webcam and mic turned off?" He wasn't holding his breath for a straightforward response. Resting his face in the palm of his hand, Rin watched the bottom of the Skype chat window curiously, noting the amount of times it indicated that Haru was typing, backspacing, and supposedly retyping his response. He knew Haru was someone who chose his words with care, but it was fascinating to observe the process play out in this form-

_I don't have a webcam._

-but still nonetheless frustrating.

"That's a lie! Like I would believe that half-assed response!" Agitated, Rin ran his hand through his hair, accidentally mussing it up again without thinking. Another message popped up before he could speak again.

_I'm not lying._

"Like hell you're not!"

Haru did not respond.

"Come on, I've got mine on. It's only fair!" _'And I miss your face'_ , Rin thought to himself, but he was never going to admit that out loud. He felt his face heat up from the thought even so. He buried his face in is arms, partly out of exasperation, mostly to conceal any evidence of a blush as his webcam was still on.

Just as he was about to give up and change the subject, he heard a slight crackling noise coming from the Skype chat window. He glanced up from his arms.

"Rin?"

His heart soared in his chest at the sound of his friend's voice which he hadn't heard for almost four weeks now. Rin couldn't help but grin at the sight of Haru's face, (wearing a slightly bewildered expression as he attempted to adjust his webcam), finally gracing his computer screen.

Once happy with the position of his camera, Haru sat back in his chair. Rin observed him with interest. He had to hold back a snort of laughter as Haru looked pointedly away from the camera and pursed his lips in what looked suspiciously like a pout.

"I don't like cameras."

Rin smiled fondly. "Don't worry, you'll get used to it." Haru merely turned his head in response, eyes occassionally flicking to the camera despite himself.

"It's nice to see you, Haru," Rin said, inwardly cursing himself for his lack of restraint. He felt his face glow as Haru's eyes snapped forward in response to look him. His expression was hard to read, but a slight softening in his gaze gave Rin hope that he hadn't completely embarrassed himself.

"You too, Rin." Haru then smiled gently and Rin felt a bit light-headed. He grinned back and thought he saw Haru's eyes widen slightly, before he hastily turned his head away again.

"How is swimming in Australia?"

Rin blinked in surprise at Haru's quick subject change and the fact that he had been the one to initiate it. Haru's eyes were shining inquisitively into the camera and Rin knew he would never see a more compelling sight. Excitement brimmed within him as he animatedly began to recount his experiences in great detail. He had already talked to others about his time in Australia so far, (Sousuke, Gou, Makoto and Nitori had all been regular callers), but _this_ is what he had been waiting on these past few weeks. A chance to talk to _Haru_ about it. Haru understood his dream. _Their_ dream. Rin's eyes gleamed as he spoke.

"...and its nothing like the last time you know? I have to admit that I was a bit, ah, apprehensive about returning here...with what happened. Well, you know all about that. Anyway! It feels right this time. Even if I sometimes don't have the best of days, it doesn't matter, because even if lose to someone, I can feel myself getting stronger every time. And then the day after is never a bad one-!" _'Because I think of you and our dream and everything just feels right again.'_ Rin caught himself before he spoke his last thought out loud. He felt his face grow hot again and he rubbed the back of his head nervously whilst averted his gaze from his computer screen.

"That's really great, Rin."

When Rin stole a glance back at his screen, he saw that Haru was smiling brightly back at him, his eyes filled with a passion that mirrored his own so well that he felt momentarily breathless.

"Yes it is." Rin suddenly felt at a loss as to what to say next. A wave of embarrassment then washed over him as he realised that he'd been so caught up in his joy at finally being able to tell Haru about his experiences, that he had completely forgotten to ask about Haru's swimming in turn.

"Ah! Haru! How about you? How is swimming in Tokyo? Sorry I got carried away." He wanted to slap himself for being so thoughtless. Haru looked unconcerned however. Rin noted a faint look of amusement on his face.

"Hey don't laugh at me!" Rin temporarily forgot his embarrassment in favour of annoyance as Haru appeared to be stifling a laugh behind his hand.

"I'm not," Rin narrowed his eyes at the slight wavering of Haru's voice as he spoke, "and I didn't mind." He gave a warm smile, "I like listening to you talk."

Rin was suddenly very thankful for the dim lighting in his room, as he was sure his face would appear as bright pink as a cherry blossom tree right now on Haru's screen otherwise. Despite his own flustered appearance however, he couldn't help but notice that Haru didn't look completely unfazed by his own remark either. He was looking awkwardly away from the camera, and Rin swore that he could see a faint trace of a blush on his cheeks.

"Ah, Rin...sorry I need to go."

"Wait, what? Why? You haven't told me about Tokyo yet!"

"Sorry, it's getting late."

"It is?"

"-and I have to be up early tomorrow for training."

Rin glanced at his clock and realised in horror that Haru was right. How long had he been babbling on for? Rin covered his face with his hands. He felt like the biggest idiot in the world.

"Haru, I'm really sorry I-"

"Rin."

Rin chanced a look through his fingers at his Skype window. Haru was smiling again, his eyes clear and determined. Haru smiled more now than ever before and Rin knew that he never wanted to see him being any other way again.

"Rin, please believe me okay?"

"...okay."

"I will tell you about it when I call you tomorrow."

"Wait! Uh, tomorrow?"

"Ah, yes? Is that okay?"

"Of c-ah I mean, yeah sure I guess. If you're not busy or anything."

"I'm not busy tomorrow evening."

"Great! Err...I'll talk to you tomorrow then?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Goodnight then, Haru."

"Goodnight, Rin."

And then he was gone. Rin sat back on his chair feeling a bit dazed, but couldn't for the life of him think why. All he knew was that he couldn't wait for tomorrow. Grinning to himself, he quickly scribbled down a note, ("Skype Haru!! 7pm"), and set it on his desk under a paperweight to remind him, though he was sure that he wouldn't forget either way.

Meanwhile, about 4000 miles away, Haru sat curled in a ball on his bed, his head buried in his arms as he silently berated himself for being so forward with his feelings.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whilst waiting for the right time to log onto Skype, Haru thinks about Rin. A lot.

"5:32pm."

Haru read the digits out loud to the empty apartment around him. Now almost four weeks into living here by himself, he had finally finished unpacking. The fact that the majority of his unpacking had been done in the past five hours or so as a way to distract himself from other matters was not something he was going to dwell on. And it was something he was _definitely_ going to deny to Makoto if he ever brought up the boxes in conversation again the next time he visited.

"5:33."

He exhaled loudly through his nose. He needed to find something else to do soon or he just _knew_ what his thoughts would inevitably end up wandering back to.

Haru's hand clenched around the last object that he had unpacked from it's box. He had forgotten that he was still holding it. His dolphin bath toy.

 _'A bath is never a bad idea.'_  

* * *

_'What time should I call him?'_

 Despite his efforts to the contrary, his mind had predictably meandered back to thoughts of Rin and their upcoming Skype session whilst he leant against the edge of the bath, turning the dolphin toy over in his hand and waiting for the bath to fill.

 _'We never decided on a time'_ , Haru thought to himself. _'How stupid.'_

It was his own fault for rushing off when he did and not giving Rin a chance to speak. _'How rude of me.'_  So now he was stuck with his own vague proposed time of 'evening' and with the duty of initiating the call assigned to himself.  _'That was my fault too.'_

Haru tossed the dolphin toy into the bath. The resulting splash that soaked the side of his t-shirt only served to fuel his irritation. He tore off the offending piece of clothing and threw it into the laundry basket. He checked the clock again

"5:47."

 _'What time is evening anyway?'_  He sighed and went to turn off the taps. _'Surely it's subjective. This time could count as evening probably.'_

He took off the rest of his clothes and sank slowly into the water, trying his best to relax and clear his mind, to no avail however. _'I don't want to disturb or annoy him by calling him too early though.'_

Then again, Rin hadn't been annoyed at his lackluster attempts at answering his Skype calls. In fact, he hadn't mentioned it at all. _'He's too forgiving.'_

Haru supposed that Rin might had been more concerned with relating his tales from Australia. _'He's cute when he's excited.'_

Haru quickly dunked his head under the water in an attempt to cleanse his mind from that last thought. Why hadn't he answered Rin's calls sooner? The first time he had a genuine excuse, (he had been training late), but the other times...

Haru nudged the dolphin toy with his toe. He watched it bob up and down and it eventually fell into sync with the ticking of the clock in the hallway. He resisted the urge to check the time again.

The second and third time Rin had called he had been online. He had even got his new webcam set up ready, (he had purchased it especially for the occasion), and set his Skype status to 'invisible' so that he had time to prepare himself for when Rin came online. Though why he felt the need to 'prepare' himself he did not know. When Rin's call came through however, he had frozen. He winced at the memory. Why had he done that? _'It's not like we don't talk everyday through email.'_

In truth, it was usually Rin who emailed his phone first, mostly with photos and mundane things about his day-to-day activities, ( _'Hey Haru! Went out for lunch today with some of the guys I've told you about and one of them bought mackerel! It reminded me of you haha! (^_^)'_ ), sometimes with longer messages in the evenings that were more wistful, ( _'Ahhhh I love it here, but I still miss you and the rest of the guys a lot you know? I'm sure I'll get used to it, but these first few nights are going to be hard! I will come back and visit you again soon I promise. You'd better be prepared for me to kick your ass in the pool!'_ ). Any longer musings Rin tended to reserve for his letters, the first of which Haru kept pinned to his noticeboard above his desk. He hadn't finished his response yet, but he wanted to take his time with it. _'No sense in rushing it'_. He tried to respond to Rin's emails too when he could, though sometimes he wasn't sure what to say. He appreciated them all nonetheless. Haru hoped Rin knew that.

_'Why was I afraid to answer his call?'_

His mind wandered back to the previous evening. The first call he hadn't picked up. His finger had hovered briefly over his mouse button, before his hand had fallen limply to his side in defeat. After that, he had spent the next few minutes mentally gearing himself up to return the call, and when Rin had answered, it had been the most thrilling sight he had seen in weeks.

Haru caught his reflection in the bathroom mirror out of the corner of his eye and was abashed to see that he had been smiling to himself at the memory. He hastily ducked his head under the water again. He had been doing that an embarrassing amount of times throughout his last Skype call with Rin too. _'Stupid.'_ But what had been worse was his last mortifying remark before he had blurted out an excuse and logged off for the night. _'I like listening to you talk.'_ What had possessed him to say _that?_

Haru suddenly felt very warm and splashed the cooling bath water onto his face. It wasn't like it was a lie, (though his excuse about his early training session had been), he _did_ like listening to Rin talk. He always had something interesting to say and Haru had been eager to hear about his training in Australia. The way his comment had sounded on the other-hand...

He quickly banished the thought, and sat up in the bath tub, reaching over to pull out the plug. As the bath drained and he began to towel himself dry, he finally gave into his temptation and stole a glance at the clock again.

"6:45."

He had been waiting long enough. Haru hurriedly pulled on a clean shirt, toweling his hair as best he could before he sat himself down in his desk chair and turned on his laptop. Skype had barely started up however, before a loud ringing pierced the air and Haru had to fight hard not to fall out of his chair in surprise. He read the caller ID. Rin was calling _him?_ He accepted the call with earnest.

"Rin?"

"Hey, Haru! Sorry I called a bit earlier than we planned! It's almost 8pm for me here, so it must be almost 7pm for you right?"

Rin looked liked he'd just got out the bath too, or maybe he was fresh from a training session. His hair was damp and tousled, looking as wild as the grin on his face. Haru felt a warm surge of affection for his friend that made his heart ache and he couldn't help but give a small smile in return. It then registered with Haru what Rin had said.

"Rin, we never made a plan."

"Huh?"

"I just said that I would call you in the evening. We forgot to set a time."

"But I wrote down 7pm. Dammit! Did I really just make that up in my head?"

"Probably."

"Ah. Well, this is awkward haha..."

Haru watched Rin with amusement as realisation of his mistake began to set in. He was blushing and running his hands through his damp hair nervously, making it appear even more ruffled than it had previously. Haru brought a hand up to his mouth to hide the grin that was spreading across his face. _'Cute'._

"Ahh sorry I shouldn't have assumed, I mean you weren't busy right? I should have just waited for you to call me. I guess I was just looking forward to seeing yo-er I mean-"

Haru's heart leapt in his chest. "Rin."

"Yes?"

"It's okay, I was just about to call you anyway." _'You were looking forward to seeing me?'_

"Oh, really? Lucky coincidence then I guess! Haha."

"Yeah."

Haru was utterly captivated. The resemblance of this flustered, awkwardly laughing Rin to the younger Rin he once knew was so striking, that in this moment, Haru didn't think he could miss him more. _'I miss you so much.'_

"So, how was your morning training?"

"Training?"

"Yeah you said that you had an early session today? Did it go okay? I had a long session today myself."

"Oh. Yes, it was fine." Haru tried hard not to let his guilt show on his face. _'Why did I lie about that?'_

"Is that all?", Rin said, laughing again. Haru didn't think he could ever get tired of that sound. "Nah I understand. Morning sessions are brutal! There's not much else to be said about them. At least, I assume yours are as intense as mine. So, how is it in Tokyo then? Tell me everything! I need to keep an eye on the competition after all." Rin gave an audacious grin and any feelings of guilt Haru felt were forgotten in an instant as the competitive spark between them flickered once again.

"There's plenty of swimmers here in Tokyo that are faster than you and me."

"Oh? Is that so?"

"In every stroke."

"Even my butterfly?"

"Of course. Our top butterfly swimmer could easily break your record." _'Though for some reason, I still don't think his stroke can compare to yours.'_

"Are you serious? I'll have to remember to kick his ass when I get back then. But remember Haru, I've already gotten faster since we last swam together. In my freestyle too."

"So have I."

"You sure about that? Where do you rank in your team?"

"Top three."

"That's nice, but that's not first place is it, Haru?"

"I'm working on that."

"Good to know. I don't want my win against you to be an easy one when I get back to Japan."

"Don't worry. I'll make sure to win by a big enough margin so that you won't be mistaken in your loss."

Rin laughed aloud at that. "Oh it's on now, Nanase!" Then his eyes widened with a sudden curiosity.

"What's it like for you racing against your new teammates?"

Something about the way Rin had stated his question made Haru suspect that Rin had left something unsaid. He decided not to question him however.

"It's...amazing." It was impossible for Haru to keep the passion in his voice restrained. "Swimming on this level, it's like nothing I've ever experienced before-"

_'It's just like you said, Rin.'_

"-it's a whole different world."

_'A world that just keeps expanding, like a vast ocean. There's so much more out there to discover.'_

"I never thought that I could enjoy swimming in this way-"

_'Or that it could make me feel like this.'_

"-but I do. And I'm-"

_'forever grateful to you for opening my eyes to this world. Let's explore this endless ocean together, Rin.'_

"-glad that I can now care about times and winning, because I want to race them and win. Though-"

Haru paused, realising his mistake.

"Though?" Rin said with a questioning gaze.

_'Nothing still quite compares to racing against you.'_

"Ah, nothing", Haru gave Rin what he hoped was a reassuring smile, "I just messed up my words. Sorry..." He trailed off, immediately regretting just how much he had ended up speaking his mind. He looked away from the camera. Thankfully, Rin appeared not to have noticed his discomfort, or at least he made no show of acknowledging it.

"That's amazing, Haru!" When Haru looked back at his screen, he saw that Rin looked to be almost trembling with excitement. He was so fired up that his eyes appeared to be ablaze. He looked akin to how he did just before a race. When _they_ raced. Haru felt a shiver pass through him. _'How does he do this to me?'_

"I really mean it, Haru! I'm so glad that you could find it too." He looked away from the camera and smiled. "Now I _really_ can't wait to get stronger."

A comfortable silence briefly fell between them and Haru took the opportunity to study Rin's face. His hair was mostly dry now and glinting faintly in the low light of the setting sun shining through Rin's bedroom window.

"Hey, Haru."

"What?"

"How come you didn't answer my Skype calls from earlier this week?" Rin's expression looked cautious.

"No reason. I just wasn't online." _'I just couldn't do it.'_

"Ah. Fair enough I guess." Rin didn't sound convinced, but he didn't press the matter further, much to Haru's relief.

"I'm replying to your letter by the way", Haru said, quickly changing the subject. Rin looked delighted.

"Great! Should I keep writing? I know it's a bit, um, old fashioned I guess, but I really wanted to, you know, make up for the fact that we, well, _I_  never wrote to you last time I came here like I promised." Rin flushed and looked away. Haru's heart clenched.

"Rin..." _'That wasn't your fault.'_

"Ahh sorry that was ages ago now wasn't it? I'll stop bringing it up."

"It's okay." Haru pondered over what best to say next. "I will post my letter to you tomorrow."

Rin brightened up almost instantly. "Awesome!" Then, looking slightly abashed, he rubbed the back of his neck and attempted to collect himself. Haru smiled behind his hand again. _'Adorable.'_ Haru wished that there was a body of water nearby for him to dunk his head into.

"Sorry Haru, but I'd best be off now. I need to be up early myself tomorrow."

Haru felt a pang of sadness in his chest. _'Already?'_

"But we'll Skype again at some point this week yeah?"

_'Why not tomorrow?'_

"I'm going to be pretty busy these next few days-"

_'We don't have to talk for too long._

"-but I'll still email you okay? And write to you again too if you like?"

_'But it's not the same.'_

"I'll keep an eye out for your letter!"

_'I will finish writing it for you tonight.'_

"Goodnight, Haru!"

"Goodnight, Rin."

Rin smiled and raised his hand in a small gesture of farewell, before his face disappeared from view. Haru raised his hand in response, but a second too late. He was gone. His hand hung limply in mid-air. Without thinking, Haru reached out to touch the screen where Rin's face had been.

It was in that moment Haru realised why he had been so reluctant to answer Rin's calls. _'I knew it would make me miss your face even more.'_


	3. Chapter 3

It had been over 12 hours now since his last Skype call with Haru, and Rin was still kicking himself over his blunder from the previous night.

"Dammit! I'm such an idiot", Rin said under his breath, drawing a few curious looks from passersby as he hurriedly began to make his way home from his morning training session. "Why do I care so much about this?!" _'It's not like he minded that I called him first.'_ A blush started spreading across his face. _'Though it must have made me look way too eager.'_ He ran his hands through his hair which was starting to stick up on end from the amount of times he had done so today.

"What am I talking about." _'H_ _e said he was already about to call me himself.'_ And what did he care what Haru thought of him anyway? It was only Haru for crying out loud! Still...

He smiled to himself. _'It was great talking to him again.'_ He had looked so  _alive._

Lost in his memory, he almost walked straight passed the door to his new apartment. He let himself in and immediately collapsed onto his bed. This morning's swim had been intense. This was not helped by him being particularly distracted today with thoughts of Haru and their last conversation.

Rin sighed heavily. He wasn't sure if he regretted or not the fact that he had failed to ask Haru the burning question that had been at the forefront of his mind since they had begun their respective training: _"Do you enjoy racing against them as much as you do me?"_

He wasn't even sure what he wanted Haru's answer to be. Of course he wanted Haru to feel a competitive spirit with _anyone_ he was swimming against, not just Rin himself. But at the same time he couldn't stop himself feeling a bit-

"Jealous."

He spoke the word with a bitterness he didn't know he was still capable of. He was being ridiculously selfish about all this.

Seeing the raw emotions behind Haru's words being displayed so openly on his face when he had talked about Tokyo had been so breathtaking, as rarely was Haru so expressive, Rin now found himself longing to see more of that side of him. Occasional glimpses of this side that Haru had let slip during their races was not enough to sustain him anymore. The possibility that Haru's new teammates in Tokyo were seeing this beautiful sight on a day-to-day basis felt close to unbearable for him.

Rin covered his face with his hands, feeling ashamed for letting these thoughts get to him this much. Why did it matter? Haru was his friend and rival and nothing about that was about to change.

Annoyed with himself, he got up from the bed and set about making himself some lunch, hoping it would divert his thoughts elsewhere, but it was no use. The image of Haru's eyes shining with enthusiasm was still burnt brilliantly into his mind.

_'Eyes as clear as water.'_

He flushed red and promptly dropped the glass of water he had been pouring for himself, which shattered spectacularly in the kitchen sink.

Cursing his younger self for making such an embarrassing comment, Rin began clearing up the mess. He would forever be thankful for Haru's poor English skills preventing him from translating the majority of Lori's words during that time in Australia and saving Rin from doubtless humiliation as a result. Though the fact that she had remembered his comments about Haru in the first place had been humiliating enough.

When he had thrown away the last of the shattered remains of the glass, Rin made a quick check of the time.

"Shit."

He had been so preoccupied with his thoughts that he barely had any time left to finish _making_ his lunch, let alone eat it, before his afternoon training session started. He'd have to grab a quick bite to eat on the way.

 _'When am I going to find the time to call him again with this kind of schedule?!'_ Rin thought to himself, feeling dejected as he locked his apartment door behind him. He immediately felt foolish for having such a thought. He could still email him and send him letters couldn't he? And besides... Rin's heart felt heavy in his chest, _'He doesn't seem as bothered about Skyping as I am.'_ Haru's excuses for missing his calls left him unconvinced. He tried not to dwell on it however and instead turned his thoughts to Haru's response to his letter. Haru had said that he would send it today. Rin smiled. He would have to start checking his mail box for it.

From that moment on, his walk back to the pool became considerably more enjoyable than his walk home had been.

* * *

Haru frowned as he re-read his letter to Rin for the countless time that afternoon. He had finished it last night like he had promised, but his response felt lacking somehow. His eyes glanced over to Rin's own letter, still pinned in pride of place in the center of his noticeboard. It was noticeably longer than Haru's. _'How does he find so much to write about?'_

He frowned again and tapped his pen in an agitated manner against the paper. The urge to tear the whole thing up was rising rapidly with each passing second. _'Why did I agree to this?'_

He told himself that the reason he was so insistent on getting his response _just right_ was because he refused to lose to Rin in any sense of the word, be it races or letter length. But deep down beyond what he was comfortable acknowledging, even to himself, he knew the real reason.

_'I want it to make him happy.'_

The thought bubbled to the surface despite his best efforts and before he could quash it completely, it set a whole new stream of thoughts rippling through his mind, thoughts of Rin, his smile and the way his eyes shone with excitement when Haru told him he was sending him a letter.

_'I can't disappoint him.'_

An idea suddenly struck him. If he couldn't think of what to _write_ then maybe...

He stood quickly and began rummaging around his desk. He hoped that he hadn't left them behind at Iwatobi. Eventually he found what he was looking for. His box of art materials. Haru picked out his favourite soft pencil and began sketching in swift, skilled strokes directly onto the bottom of his letter to Rin.

One thing that Rin never ceased to tire of, was emailing Haru countless photos of random cats that he came across whilst out and about. Sometimes Haru received more than one photo a day and all of them accompanied with a silly caption, courtesy of Rin himself: ( _'Haru!! Doesn't this one remind you of Makoto?! Hahaha. It's definitely got his smile don't you think?'_  and _'Ahhh this one was cute but it tried to scratch me when I went to stroke it!! (¬_¬)'_ and so on). Haru had long since given up attempting to respond to this onslaught of images and had yet to send any cat photos back in response. Not through lack of trying however. It was either his bad luck, or the entirety of Japan's cat population had followed Rin to Australia with him, (that would explain the sheer volume of photos from Rin in any case), for Haru hadn't seen a single cat in all the four weeks he had been living in Tokyo. That is, except for one.

He paused in his sketching, having had another idea. He reached for his watercolours.

The cat in question had been napping under a cherry blossom tree, the one Haru passed sometimes on his way to University if he took the longer route. He often stopped by it just to look at it and reminisce. This time however, there had been a small, but very bright, ginger cat, sleeping peacefully among the fallen pink petals at the base of the trunk. The way the cat's fur had shone red in the sunlight so reminded him of Rin that he had been compelled to take a photo. In his haste to retrieve his phone however, the cat had been startled awake and fled before he could press the button.

Haru added a few careful flicks of orange and red before cleaning his brush and deciding on what would be the perfect shade of pink.

When he was done, he set aside the letter to allow the paint the dry. It wasn't much, but he hoped that the small watercolour sketch would make up for his lack of photo and letter length combined. If not, it might at least bring a smile to Rin's face. Haru smiled to himself. He hoped that would be the case.

His happiness waned quickly however when he remembered that he wouldn't be Skyping with Rin again any time soon. _'How long will he be busy for?'_

Haru sighed, and glanced at his clock. He still had time to kill before his afternoon training session. He wanted nothing more than to swim and forget all his thoughts right now.

He picked up his pencil again and began absent-mindedly sketching, at first just the room and objects around him, but inevitably his thoughts drifted to red hair and bright smiles.

Giving into his daydreams, he tried to recall how Rin had looked the previous evening, the way his face had softened as he looked towards his window, the gentle glow of his hair as it caught the orange-red light of the setting sun.

When Haru paused to take in what he had drawn, he felt his heart clench painfully in his chest. He had once again revealed too much of himself. _'I could never show these to him.'_

He hastily shut his sketchbook and hid it away in the bottom of his desk drawer and instead turned his attention back to the letter. The painting was dry now. He should probably post it on his way back to University. His mood brightened slightly at the thought of being back in the water again very soon.

_'I should pay the cherry blossom tree a visit too.'_

* * *

Rin shut his letter box with a disgruntled huff. Still no letter. He knew he was being impatient, (it had only been 4 days), but he felt disappointed all the same. He was already in a sour mood from the fact that he had emailed Haru earlier to ask if he could Skype that evening and had been downhearted to discover that Haru had late training that day, as well as an early session the following morning.Their busy, as well as conflicting, training schedules were starting to wear thin on Rin's nerves. He needed some way to let out his pent up frustrations.

A visit to Bondi beach and an evening jog never failed to lift his spirits.

* * *

' _I wonder if I should email him. Maybe he forgot to send it?'_  , Rin pondered as he jogged along the coastline. It was almost sundown now. _'Ahhh dammit what am I saying?!_  ' Rin knew how long letters took to arrive by air mail. _'I'm getting way too paranoid about this.'_

He began to slow down his pace to a brisk walk. Out of habit, he took out his phone to check if he had any emails. A reply from Sousuke, three from Nitori, (he hoped the idiot wasn't panicking about something silly again), a long email from Rei, (he smiled fondly. He'd save that one for last), suspiciously none from Nagisa, and a new cat photo from Makoto ( _'Cute!'_ ). And once again, nothing from Haru. Rin knew that he should be used to this by now, (it was just how Haru was), but it still hurt a little bit each time.

He saved Makoto's latest cat photo to the growing collection on his phone. For some reason, he found himself missing Haru much more than usual lately. He idly began flicking through his photo gallery. He regretted not taking more photos of his friends back in Japan when he'd had the chance. Rin smiled as he came across the many photos of him and Sousuke that they had taken together. He missed him a lot too. There were a few group photos of his old team back at Samezuka, and a couple of the Iwatobi team. In these photos Rin noticed however, Haru was either not looking at the camera at all or was attempting to sidle his way out of the shot. Any other time Rin would have laughed and rolled his eyes at how quintessentially _Haru_ this was. This time though, all he felt was a hollow sadness. _'I don't even have a proper picture of you.'_ He resolved to ask Haru to send him a photo of himself the next time they spoke.

He put his phone away and started jogging again. But how would Haru react to him asking? It was highly likely that Haru would not comply. _'Maybe I should ask Makoto or Nagisa if they have a photo of him?'_

The mere thought of Makoto's probing questions and Nagisa's relentless teasing that would surely follow from such an act, was enough for him eliminate the idea from his mind completely. Rin's face felt slightly warmer than it should have done for the amount of energy he was exerting.

He jogged for a bit longer. The beach was tinged with an orange-pink glow now as the sun started to sink below the horizon. Rin stopped abruptly. The broken light shimmered across the ocean's surface towards him in a brilliant golden path that stretched endlessly out beyond what his eyes could see.

_'A great big world that goes on forever.'_

The day he and Haru had sat on this beach together and watched the sun set seemed so long ago now.

Rin smiled, took his phone out again and started up his camera.

* * *

Haru arrived home late, exhausted and mind occupied with nothing but thoughts of sleep. Without changing out of his clothes, he crawled into bed and curled up tight amongst the blankets. His head came into contact with something solid, preventing him from drifting off right then and there.

He reluctantly unfurled himself from his cocoon and fumbled around in the dark in an attempt to remove the offending object. Being unsuccessful, he instead relented to the need for light and stumbled blindly out of bed to turn on the lamp. He rubbed his head wearily and conceded to changing into his pajamas now that he was up. His day clothes weren't exactly comfortable sleepwear.

Once he had changed and brushed his teeth, he tried once again to locate the object that had disturbed him. It was his phone. He had accidentally left it here all day again. He exhaled loudly through his nose. _'I thought I was getting better at not doing that.'_

Luckily he only had one email. It was from Rin. He opened it curiously and an assortment of emotions swirled inside of him as he laid eyes on what Rin had sent. It was a photo of the beach Rin had taken him to in Australia. It looked exactly as it did that time, the sunlight pouring out in shining waves, rippling across the ocean and lapping the edge of the sun-kissed sand. He scrolled to the next photo in the email and his heart beat faster in his chest.

_'Rin.'_

With the sunset as his backdrop, Rin had taken a self portrait. His smile was radiant with his eyes shining as red as his hair in the dazzling light. So entranced that he was, Haru almost missed Rin's caption:

_'Reminds me of the day that we were here together. I hope you can come back and see it again with me one day. We'll go for a swim too next time! - Rin'_

Haru's heart felt as though it would burst. Overcome with affection, he curled back up into his bed, reading over Rin's message again and again, letting his words caress and surround him with a warmth far greater than any blanket could ever hope to achieve.

He lay awake gazing at the photo of Rin for a long time after.


	4. Chapter 4

"Should I even bother checking today?", Rin said to himself as he trudged his way towards his letterbox. The excitement he had first felt upon checking for Haru's letter in the post had long since dissipated along with any hopes he had of Skyping Haru again before the week was up.

Rin began rifling through the stack of unwanted leaflets and junk mail. How had it only been a week? It felt like a month since he had last heard Haru's voice. A flash of pink then caught his eye. _'An envelope?'_  . He fished it out from amidst the sea of otherwise useless paper and grasped it eagerly. It was Haru's handwriting without a doubt.

Unable to contain himself, he ripped the envelope open right then and there and started to read, beaming all the while. The folded bottom of the letter then fell open, breaking his concentration. He glanced down at bottom of the page. _'Is that...?'_  Rin's eyes widened in surprise.

"He drew a picture?"

It took him while to fully process the situation. _'Haru drew me a picture!'_ Not only that, but he had also added a little caption to it: _'I saw this cat in Tokyo, but I didn't manage to get a photo of it, so I drew it for you instead.'_ A giddy happiness overtook him. He brought a hand up to his face in a self-conscious attempt to hide his now delirious grin and looked around quickly. Nobody was in sight. He felt embarrassed for his over-reaction even so.

Rubbing the back of his neck in sheepishly, Rin made an effort to collect himself before opting instead to continue reading Haru's letter indoors away from any prying eyes.

Mind still reeling, he sat down at his desk to read the letter properly. His fingers inadvertently traced the edges of the sketch as he read. Haru's words evoked a warm fondness within him. _'He worked so hard on this.'_

When he had finished, his eyes fell once again on the drawing and this time he made no effort to conceal the emotion on his face. _'Who knew he could be so thoughtful?'_

In a sudden surge of inspiration, Rin whipped out his phone and began frantically typing out an email to Haru. _'He's got to be free to Skype today!'_

The time he spent waiting for Haru to reply felt like a millenia and all the while, his heart beat with a furious adrenaline, though he couldn't understand why. The feeling didn't lessen even when Haru's response finally arrived:

_I'll be online in an hour._

* * *

The speed at which Rin answered Haru's Skype call made him want to curl up in shame. _'I need to get a grip.'_

"Hey Haru!", he said, grinning as Haru came into view on his screen. _'It's great to see your face again.'_ Haru gave him a small smile in return.

"Hey."

Despite all his previous nervous energy, Rin now felt at a complete loss for words. He sat in silence, mouth gaping whilst Haru stared back at him with a perplexed look on his face.

"Rin, did you turn your mic off?"

"Wha-? No of course not!"

"Okay."

An awkward silence fell once again. Rin felt himself blushing fiercely. _'What is wrong with me?!'_

"Haru, your letter-"

The rest of his words stopped dead in his throat. He wasn't even sure what those words were going to be.

"Yes?" Haru now looked a bit concerned.

"I, er, I mean, it's-"

"Sorry, I wasn't sure what to write." Haru glanced away from the camera looking crestfallen and Rin hastened to reassure him.

"No, no I lov-liked it a lot!" Rin avoided Haru's gaze. "Your drawing..."

"Did you like it?"

He forced himself to meet Haru's eyes. They were glimmering with renewed hope. _'Of course I liked it you idiot. I loved it.'_

"It was great, Haru." His face felt very hot. "Really great."

"Really?" Haru was looking at him with such intensity that it made Rin's head spin.

"Idiot! Why wouldn't I? You know I like cats." Rin was feeling more uncomfortable by the second. "And you're a damn good drawer", he muttered as an afterthought. _'Just stop looking at me like that already!'_

"I'm glad you liked it." Much to Rin's relief, Haru finally dropped his gaze. He had an odd expression on his face - his lips firmly pressed together as though he was stifling a smile. It was endearing. Rin pretended not to see the small blush creeping across his cheeks.

"So, how has your week been?", Rin said, trying to keep his voice casual. _'Did you miss me as much as I missed you?'_

"It was okay. Busy." Rin told himself that he wasn't disappointed over Haru's apparent indifference to their lack of communication that past week.

"Me too", Rin said, rubbing his temple as signs of a headache began to emerge. "I've got to finish working on my new training regime toni-" He suddenly realised what he was saying. "-ah shit!"

_'I forgot all about it!'_

"What's wrong?"

"I was supposed to finish working on a new training regime tonight", Rin sighed. The excitement over Haru's letter had wiped all thoughts of it from his mind. _'I'm such an idiot.'_

"I'm sorry, Haru, but I'll have to-"

"Don't go!"

Startled, Rin turned to look at Haru who was looking horrified at his own outburst.

"What?"

"I just meant that you could still work on it", Haru said hesitantly, "and stay online. I could help you with it maybe, if you like." He mumbled the last part so quietly that Rin almost didn't catch it.

"Really? You'd be okay with that?"

"Sure."

"You wouldn't get bored? It won't exactly be fun watching me work." _'It would be nice to have the company.'_  Haru shrugged.

"I don't mind. I can find something to do."

"Okay then, if you're sure." Rin smiled. Somehow the prospect of staying up late to do his work felt much more appealing now. "You don't have to be up early for training tomorrow do you?"

"No."

"Great! I'll go grab my stuff then."

They sat working together in a comfortable silence, (though with Rin occasionally playing music from various English-speaking artists whose lyrics Haru didn't quite understand). Sometimes Rin paused to ask Haru his opinion on a particular training routine he was outlining, holding his written work up to the webcam for Haru to read. There was something strangely reassuring about working in this way Rin thought, as he glanced up from his writing to watch Haru on his screen. Something about the fact that even though they were miles apart right now, it still felt no different to if they were studying together in the same room. His bond with Haru had never felt stronger.

It then registered with Rin that he had been staring at Haru for a bit longer than what would be considered necessary, and with the most sentimental expression possible on his face. Fortunately, Haru was too busy focusing on whatever he was doing to notice the colour blossoming on his cheeks.

_'What is he working on anyway?'_

"Haru?"

Haru gave a start at the sound of Rin's voice. _'Wow he's totally into it whatever it is'_ , Rin thought. His curiosity deepened.

"What?" Haru said, looking wary.

"What are you doing? You never told me."

"Oh. It's nothing." Rin rolled his eyes.

"Don't give me that! You've been working on it for over an hour now. What is it?"

"Nothing."

"Haru!"

"You won't be interested."

"I am now!"

Haru ignored him.

"Okay, look I'm sorry. You don't have to tell me." Rin looked away, mentally chiding himself for pushing him too far. The atmosphere no longer felt as comfortable as it did before. Rin reluctantly went back to work. It was a good few minutes before Haru spoke again.

"I was just sketching."

Rin glanced back at him. The softness in Haru's tone piqued his curiosity once more. He looked unusually shy. _'That's not like him.'_

"Sketching?"

"Would you like to see?"

"Yeah!" Rin grinned as Haru lifted up his sketchbook, eager to see what he had drawn. _'Maybe more cat pictures?'_

Haru hesitated, staring down at the page and looking as if he were having a serious internal argument with himself, before he finally relented and turned the book to face the webcam.

Rin was dumbfounded by what he saw. They were sketches of him. Multiple sketches. Most of them seemingly done from observation in the past hour or so he had been working, his expression serious and brow furrowed. His hair was a mess from running his hands through it too many times, but despite this, Haru had managed to depict his mussed up hair in such a way that it still appeared to fall in an elegant manner about his face. Some sketches looked to have been drawn purely from memory, noticeably the ones of him with broad smiles and softer expressions. He didn't recall making those faces. The longer he looked, the more his face burned. Haru had drawn him so...

He wondered how Haru felt about this. His face was perfectly obscured by the sketchbook, which was probably intentional now that he thought about it. Rin felt a pang of guilt. _'I shouldn't have asked him.'_ He knew Haru must draw pictures of everyone all the time without showing them - his own private way of showing that he cared without saying so in words - and now Rin felt like he had just forced Haru to reveal a part of himself that he wasn't ever planning on disclosing. _'I am the worst friend in the world.'_

"Haru." Rin was shocked at how hoarse his own voice sounded. His throat felt tight and he was sure his heartbeat must be loud enough for Haru to hear.

Very slowly, Haru withdrew his sketchbook. The look on his face was one of utter defeat, his eyes downcast and void of any of their earlier fervor. Rin didn't think his heart could sink any lower.

"Haru", he said again, the emotion still raw in his words, "They're amazing". He couldn't hold back this time, not when his friend looked so dismayed. He plowed on despite his reddening face. "Better than amazing."

_'They're beautiful.'_

Haru still refused to look up.

"I'm sorry for making you show me", Rin said, desperate to make things right. "I won't ask again. I'm sure you've got loads of other drawings of our friends that you don't show to them, yeah?" Haru lifted his head somewhat at that. "I really did like the ones you showed me."

"You do?"

His expression was still guarded, but the light in Haru's eyes had returned a little. Rin felt relief wash over him.

"Yes!", he urged. "In fact, um, do you think you could, ah-", his words faltered and there was no sign of his blush ebbing anytime soon, "-post them to me, maybe?" _'Dammit! Why did I ask him?! As if he would want to do that.'_ He promptly looked away from the camera

"Yeah sure." Haru said and Rin whipped around to face him, sure that he had misheard. The casual tone in Haru's voice had been significantly misleading it turned out, as the look on his face was nothing short of total embarrassment. _'He looks sort of...cute.'_

He would probably come to regret that thought later.

* * *

_'Would you like to see?'_

His own question hadn't stopped spinning around in Haru's mind since the words had first left his mouth. It was now 5am and he was still wide awake after saying goodnight to Rin at 1:30am when they had finished going over his new training regime together. He listened to the sound of the rain hitting his window. Normally the sound calmed him and sent him to sleep in an instant, but tonight nothing was helping him to relax. He had messed up badly. Showing Rin those drawings had not been a showcase of his talent, so much as a confession of his feelings. Thankfully, Rin didn't seem to have picked up on that.

Haru grimaced. He had only just begun to admit to having these feelings himself. _'Why did this have to happen?'_

He turned over in his bed violently and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to will himself to sleep. He hoped that Rin would never find out that he had lied about having no early morning training session today, among other things. 

_'How would he react if he finds out how I feel?'_

He didn't want to imagine it, but he found himself doing it regardless in a way that only an addled, sleep-deprived mind could - with all possible scenarios being less than favourable.

Haru curled into himself as the pain in his chest worsened. He wished he could swim. He wished he could _sleep_.

Why did it matter? He liked Rin a lot, but Rin didn't have to know how much he cared. He could keep it secret. As long as Rin was happy, what was the problem? Staying friends was all that was important. He would just have to make sure to keep his emotions under control.

Feeling a bit better, but somehow not altogether satisfied, Haru eventually drifted off into a disturbed sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

No matter how many times Haru turned his webcam off and on again whilst waiting for Rin to come online, the thought of his own face being displayed on Rin's computer screen did not feel any more appealing.

Sighing in frustration at his own cowardice, he shut the camera off again for the final time and hoped that there was even a slim chance that Rin wouldn't mind if he forego the use of his webcam and mic for their pre-arranged, Saturday afternoon Skype call.

He just couldn't do it. Not after their last call and what had become of it. Haru leant face-down on his desk and buried his head in his arms. One more slip up, and he just knew that his feelings would spill out in an uncontrollable deluge from behind his stoic facade regardless of how hard he tried to stem the flow. And his webcam would reveal everything. The risk was too great.

Haru's Skype window began to ring.

Double and triple checking that both his webcam and mic were indeed switched off, Haru braced himself, heart hammering and answered the call.

"Hello? Haru, you've forgotten to turn your webcam on."

Rin's words gave rise to an immediate rush of fresh panic in Haru's mind. _'I can't think of any excuse'._ He started typing a slow response anyway, trying hard not to peer at Rin's face on his screen. The quizzical expression that he wore did nothing to alleviate the sentiment Haru felt towards him. In fact, it almost made it worse.

_I don't feel like using it today._

Haru sent his reply and prepared himself for the torrent of disgruntled words from Rin that were doubtless about to be directed his way, and he wouldn't blame him. His response had been less than weak. Rin's eyebrows furrowed in concern, surprising him however.

"What the hell do you mean _'you don't feel like it'_  ?"

Well, he'd had been half right. Rin spoke again.

"Is there something wrong?" 

At least he seemed to care. _'He's worried about me'._ The thought kindled a new hope within him which he clung onto with vigor.

 _No. I'm just not in the mood right now._ How was he going to keep up this charade?

To Haru's alarm, Rin looked absolutely disheartened by his response.

"Have I upset you?" The strain in his voice was apparent as well as the hurt in his eyes. Haru couldn't bear it. _'I can't see him like this.'_ He turned his webcam and mic on without a second thought.

"Rin."

The instant change in Rin's demeanor upon hearing Haru speak was astounding. His face brightened with a warm smile that filled Haru with a tenderness so deep that it made him question why he ever thought that avoiding his webcam would be a good idea.

"Haru!"

"I'm sorry", Haru said, struggling to find the words he needed. "I'm just feeling a bit tired. You haven't upset me." That excuse would have to do. Rin gave him a sympathetic look.

"Tough training schedule this week?"

"Sort of."

"Ah I see. Well, I'm glad it wasn't my faul-I mean, I thought maybe...never mind." Rin glanced away looking awkward. Keen to move on from the whole affair, Haru changed the topic.

"How has your morning been?" Looking relieved, Rin responded eagerly.

"Not too bad! Been relaxing. Got a few errands to run later, but apart from that I've got a nice free weekend ahead of me." He grinned and leant back in his chair, looking satisfied with himself. "How about you? Got any plans for the weekend?"

"Not really." He hadn't even thought about it, so preoccupied had he been about other things. "Makoto said that he might visit if he's not too busy on Sunday." Rin smiled at that, though, Haru noticed, it wasn't without a touch of sadness.

"I'm glad that you guys can still see each other often", he sighed, "though I wish that I could visit all you guys back in Japan as easily. I miss you all a lot you know? Speaking of which..."

Rin paused, as though thinking very carefully about his next choice of words. Haru looked on with curiosity.

"I'm collecting some photos of everyone from home to put in some picture frames for my apartment-", Haru didn't like where this was going, "-and, er, I have photos of everyone now, except for you", Haru wished that he could think of some way out of this increasingly troublesome situation. "So, do you think that you could maybe, send me a photo of yourself?"

"No". He wasn't going to beat about the bush.

"Aw, Haru! Please?"

"I said _no_."

"It's just a photo. It doesn't have to be a new one."

"I don't want to send _any_ ".  _'Please stop asking.'_

"But I have photos of everyone else! It wouldn't be right to not have one of you as well."

Haru remained tight-lipped. Having photos taken of himself annoyed him on the best of days, never mind how he felt right now. And the idea of then sending that photo to Rin was even less tempting.

"You've got photos of me", Rin said.

Haru flinched at that remark. That was true.

"Only because you send them to me all the time. I never asked you."

"I don't send them all the time!", Rin said, flushing brightly, "and I don't just send them to you okay? It's normal for people to send photos of themselves to their friends."

"What about that photo you took at the beach?" Haru had hoped that photo had been for him alone. _'Maybe I was foolish for thinking that.'_

"Okay, that one was just for you", Rin's blush grew more intense. Haru tried his best not to show how overjoyed he was at this revelation. "But that's besides the point! You have one of me, so I should have one of you."

Haru's shoulders slumped in defeat. He wasn't getting out of this one. _'If it makes him happy.'_

"Fine."

"Seriously?"

"I'll send you one later."

* * *

 'Later' as it turned out, meant within only a couple hours according to Haru. Rin nearly dropped his basket of groceries in shock when his phone buzzed unexpectedly loud in his pocket. He balanced his shopping precariously on the crook of his arm and retrived his phone. Rin couldn't resist opening the email when he saw who it was from. _'That was quick!'_

Haru had actually taken a photo of himself for him. Rin smiled. It wasn't exactly ideal - Haru's eyes still refused to meet the camera directly and he wasn't smiling - but at least he was facing the camera properly. _'It's still sort of cute how he does that'._ Rin fought the urge to bang his head against the closest wall. That was the second time he'd had that thought about Haru now. _'I knew that stupid thought would come back to haunt me.'_

Shoving his phone back into his pocket, he tried to focus on completing his shopping trip instead. He had barely reached the checkout however, when his phone buzzed a second time. Puzzled, Rin pulled it out his pocket to check it. Haru again. Amazingly, it was another photo, this time with a caption:

_I think this one looks better._

He was looking at the camera this time, not quite with a smile on his face, but he looked decidedly less morose than how he usually did in photos. Rin was struck by how unusually vulnerable the look in his eyes appeared to be, as though they wished to be enveloped entirely by the darkness of his eyelashes and soft hair that swept across his cheeks.

Rin only noticed how long he had been staring at his phone when cashier called out to him to gain his attention. Embarrassed, he rushed to pay for his items and left the shop in a hurry. He had been home mere moments before his phone buzzed again for the third time. _'What is up with him?!'_

He all but threw his shopping bags onto the floor in exasperation when it turned out to be yet another photo. The caption read:

_Going out for a walk._

Rin narrowed his eyes at the photo. Haru did indeed appear to be outside walking; the street clearly visible in the frame behind him as he looked away from the camera with his usual straight-faced expression. There was something very odd about all this but he couldn't think why.

Another email came through about a minute after he had finished unpacking and he opened it cautiously. _  
_

_Bought some fish at the market._

Sure enough, there he was, holding up his neatly wrapped fish and staring pointedly at the camera with the barest hint of a smile playing about his face. _'Wait a minute...'_

"Is he mocking me?"

He suddenly recognised what on Earth was going on, feeling himself blush profusely at the fact that it had taken him so long to realise. Haru was deliberately imitating the way Rin himself tended to email Haru, (and everyone else come to that), photos of his daily comings and goings. _'I'm not this bad though am I?'_

No it was worse than that. Rin now had a vivid recollection of sending photos to Haru with _those exact captions_ just over a week ago. _'He's definitely mocking me'._ Indeed, he now knew for sure which photo would be arriving next.

An hour or so later, his phone buzzed once again. He winced before he'd even seen the photo:

_Cooked some tuna steak._

Rin covered his face with his hands, glad no one else was around to see how mortified he felt right now. There was Haru, sitting at his kitchen table with his tuna steak that was cooked to perfection and arranged in an aesthetically pleasing and very deliberate way upon his plate. There was an undeniable smile on his face this time. _'I can't believe this'._ The photo composition was an exact replica of Rin's own photo that he had sent to Haru, except that he had cooked beefsteak. He groaned loudly. He supposed that this was the price he had to pay for asking for a photo in the first place.

"I'll have to get him back for this someday."

Though he had to admit, he wasn't altogether regretful about the situation when he received a final photo that night from Haru - dressed ready for bed and head on his pillow- his eyes soft and sleepy with strands of dark hair falling in a gentle caress about his face. It was simply captioned:

_Goodnight._

Rin didn't remember sending Haru a photo quite like that.

* * *

"Nanase!"

Haru had to restrain a laugh at how aggravated he had managed to make Rin. All it had taken was just a few photographs. To his surprise, he had actually come to enjoy taking the photos, even with his general dislike of the whole process. It had been even funnier when Makoto had arrived that Sunday afternoon and joined in the game. They had spent a good couple of hours mercilessly harassing Rin's phone with endless, captioned photos of their day before Makoto had left to study at home.

"What?" Haru said, lips twitching at the look on Rin's face on his Skype chat window. He looked torn between wanting to appear annoyed or giving into his amusement.

"You know what!"

"I do?"

"I get it okay! I'm sorry for asking for a photo. Just please stop sending so many!"

A small snort of laughter escaped from Haru's mouth despite himself and Rin pouted, still adamant in his anger, though Haru could see that it was dwindling fast.

"Stop laughing at me!" Rin said, trying and failing to stop a grin that threatened to spread across his own face.

"I'm not. And you asked for photos."

"I asked for one photo!"

"Did you not like them?"

"No! Yes- I mean, I didn't hate them. Even if you were making fun of me."

"Only a little bit."

"Haru..." Rin hid his face in his arms, flushing. Haru let a fond smile cross his face whilst Rin wasn't looking. _'Cute.'_

"I like all the photos you send me though", Rin glanced back up at him. "It's-"

_'Adorable.'_

"-nice to know how you're doing in Australia." Haru's felt his face become warm. The words he had chosen to say didn't sound that much better than what he had omitted.

"If you say so", Rin said, still pouting. "Though you'd best send me some back now too after all this."

"Okay." Haru was surprised at himself with how readily he had agreed to that. _'It was kind of fun sending him photos I guess.'_

Rin looked elated at this prospect. "Great! Anyway, what time is it for you? About 8pm right?"

"Yes?"

"An hour behind me then, yeah...", there was a mischievous gleam in his eyes that left Haru intrigued, "So Haru, fancy a race?"

Bewildered, Haru could only blink at him in response. _'What is he talking about?'_

"A race?", Haru said after a while, still having no idea what Rin could possibly mean.

"Yes a race!"

"How?" Haru was starting to feel irked. _'Has the idiot forgotten where he is right now?'_

"Okay, so not exactly a race, but a little competition." Rin grinned wickedly. "Though it's still a race. A race against time!" Haru frowned. This was starting to get ridiculous.

"Rin what-"

"An all-nighter!"

"What?"

"Stay up all night with me on Skype! You don't have training tomorrow morning either do you? So if neither of us have to be awake tomorrow morning, why not? It will be fun! Also-"

Rin's smile became even more smug. "-I bet you'll fall asleep before I do."

Haru quirked an eyebrow. "I wouldn't be so sure about that."

"It only follows that I would stay awake longer, seeing as I have more stamina than you."

"What does that have to do with it? And I definitely have more stamina than you."

"Because it means that I have more energy to stay awake. You have the least amount of stamina by far."

"But you always fall asleep on public transport."

"That doesn't mean anything! And that's not true anyway! It happened one time."

"Twice."

"It doesn't matter! Either way, you'll still fall asleep before me-"

"Don't count on it."

"-and when you lose-"

"Who says I will lose?"

"-you have to send me at least one proper photo of you smiling."

"What?"

"You heard me."

"You _still_ don't have enough photos of me?" Rin went scarlet.

"Idiot! You know that's not what I mean. As funny as those ones were, they weren't exactly proper photos I could put in a frame."

"So you _did_ find them funny?"

"Shut up!"

"What if you lose?"

"I won't."

"But what if you do?"

"Fine! In the unlikely situation that I _do_ lose you can think of something for me to do as a forfeit okay? But that won't be happening."

"Don't worry. It will."

"You'd best have your winning smile and camera ready."

* * *

"You should come over here to visit me sometime, Haru."

Haru peered up from his sketchbook to look at Rin. He was resting his head in his arms and looking back at him with a gentle gaze. It was now almost 2am, (nearly 3am for Rin), and Rin now appeared to be feeling the effects of the lack of sleep. He had repeated this statement about three times now.

"Yes. You've said."

"Have I?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Well, you should." He yawned and stretched out his arms before returning to his previous position. "I miss you so much you know, Haru."

Haru's pencil slipped on his sketchbook, marring his drawing. Rin hadn't said _that_ before. At least not without mentioning the others as well.

"What?"

"I miss you. Do you miss me?"

Haru was sure he must be blushing more than he had ever done in his life. Rin _definitely_ needed to sleep. He was looking at Haru expectantly. Haru's heartbeat felt out of control when he finally answered.

"Yes." _'A lot.'_

"How much?"

Haru refused to look at him. "As much as I'd miss any of our friends if they moved away." Rin looked disappointed.

"I see."

They both fell silent again, neither meeting each others gaze. Haru stared down at his ruined drawing.

* * *

' _Haru has nice hair.'_

Now nearing 5:30am, Rin felt himself losing even more control of his thoughts, as well as his brain to mouth filter. _'How is he still able to stay awake so easily?'_ He must have said a lot of embarrassing things by now, but he couldn't for the life of him remember what they had been, and right now he couldn't bring himself to care either.

"You have nice hair." _'Dammit!'_

Haru glanced away from him, looking awkward. "Thanks." Rin smiled at the sight of Haru's blush. _'Cute!'_

"Red hair is nicer though." Haru said quietly.

Rin temporarily forgot how to speak. _'Did he just-?'_

If he remembered anything about tonight he would remember that.

* * *

"You're asleep."

"I'm not!"

Rin jolted his head up out of his arms and tried to glare at Haru, but all he managed was a sleepy sort of squint that made Haru want to burst out laughing at how nonthreatening it was.

"You almost were."

"How are you not tired?!"

Haru only shrugged in response. Rin groaned.

"It must be because I'm an hour ahead!"

"It's only an hour. It makes no difference."

It was 6:25am for Haru now and he was taken aback by how unaffected he had been throughout this ordeal. Together they had managed to keep awake by listening to Rin's music, (with Rin singing along loudly), drawing, (mostly done by Haru, but Rin had had a go at drawing Haru too: it looked terrible) and sending each other cat videos they'd found online. And whilst Rin looked about to pass out at any moment, Haru's adrenaline was through the roof. This, he suspected, was probably down to the comments that kept streaming unwittingly from Rin's mouth that were making Haru's heart thump at an alarming rate.

"Your eyes look like the ocean."

 _'Yes',_ Haru thought to himself, it was comments like _that_ for sure that were the sole purpose for him being as wide awake as he was, no question. He stared at Rin, his mouth gaping open. What could he possibly say to that?

Rin at least still had the wits about him to look embarrassed at that statement. He gestured wildly with his hands, trying his best to backtrack.

"No, no that came out wrong! I meant to say that they're similar in colour. The way they look in this lighting. You know, from the light of your laptop screen? They're reflecting the blue and shining really bright. Kind of in a freaky way..."

"Oh. Okay." Somehow, this explaination didn't put Haru's heart and restless mind at ease. Rin didn't look totally convinced at his own statement either.

"Haru."

"Yes?"

"I-" Rin cut himself off, blinking slower and slower, "-I've just thought."

"What."

"I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you."

"What do you mean?" Haru felt short of breath.

"I mean that without you, shining ahead of me so brightly, pulling me along, I wouldn't have made it you know?"

Haru blinked at him, shocked. _'How does he not see it?'_

"Yes you would", Haru said, smiling. "You were the one pulling me."

"Nah I just gave you a little push." Rin gave a quiet laugh. "Maybe more than one."

Haru couldn't argue with that. "Rin-"

"Hmm?"

"I really-", Haru swallowed hard, "-really do miss you." Why was he saying this now? "A lot. More than a lot. I-"

A small sound interrupted his words. Rin had fallen asleep and was snoring faintly. Haru smiled and watched him for a while. He looked so peaceful it was captivating. The steady rise and fall of Rin's form lulled his rapid heartbeat and he lowered his head into his arms. His eyes trailed to the time on his laptop screen. _'6:33am.'_ Haru's eyelids suddenly felt a lot heavier. Blinking with great effort, his eyes turned to Rin again. Strands of hair had fallen across his eyes, catching on his eyelashes. Haru longed to reach out and brush them out of the way, touch his face...

* * *

 Rin awoke to the sound of his phone alarm, banging his head painfully on his computer monitor.

"Ow! Shit."

He glanced up, squinting in the bright light of his computer screen in his darkened room. It was 11:30am and his blinds were still drawn. Confusion then set in.

"What?"

Intense orange-red rays of sunlight shone through the gaps in his drawn blinds.

_'Red hair is nicer though.'_

All at once, his memories from a few hours earlier came flooding back.

"Haru."

He whirled around to check his computer screen. Skype was still open and a dark head of hair was visible on his screen. _'Haru.'_

He was fast asleep and so very still that it was hard to see the rise and fall of his chest and the tiny tremble of his eyelashes. His face had an eerie beauty to it - illuminated by the soft glow of his laptop screen. A small sniff coming from Haru's curled up form, startling Rin out of his daze. Haru sniffed again. Rin frowned in concern. _'Is he sick?'_

Rin watched him for a bit longer. Upon hearing no more sniffing, he passed it off as his paranoia. _'It was probably nothing.'_

Resting his head in the palm of his hand, he smiled affectionately at his slumbering friend. _'It's kind of adorable. I wonder if he fell asleep first?'_

Suddenly realising the time, he typed a fast message to Haru to say goodbye and made a hectic dash around his apartment to get ready for his afternoon training. It was only when he was half way through the walk to his University that the reality of what he had messaged Haru sunk in.

"Dammit!"

* * *

  _Morning Haru! I'm leaving for training now. We'll Skype again soon though yeah? You were asleep when I woke up, so I guess I won. Haha! No hard feeings though right? I expect that photo from you asap! p.s. you look cute when you're asleep. - Rin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to note that I did do research into timezone differences, and the time difference is either 1 or 2 hours depending on whether it's daylight saving time in Australia or not. As I've kept the time of year deliberately vague for now due to lack of information about Uni term start dates in both Japan and Australia, (I gather it can vary from Uni to Uni), I'm going to keep it as a one hour time difference for now just in case more information is released about either Haru or Rin's Universities. Though by all means if anyone does happen to know more information about this please let me know and I will edit the story accordingly. Thank you! ^-^


	6. Chapter 6

Haru scowled as he felt the threat of a sneeze loom once again. He held his breath and screwed up his face in an effort to contain it. It was to no avail however.

"I'm not sick", he said to himself after sneezing twice in succession, as though saying this out loud would somehow miraculously relieve him of his stuffy nose and exhaustion. _''I'll feel better once I'm swimming.'_

As he fumbled around for his swimsuit, he found himself glancing over at his laptop for what was probably the hundredth time within this past hour. Rin's last Skype message glowed back at him like a beacon from across the room. It had been hours now since he had woken up and blinked bleary-eyed at the words on his screen. He still couldn't bring himself to exit the Skype window even now.

Rin had called him cute, (Haru felt his heart pound faster), but Rin had said a lot of odd things that night. Even without the fact that he had been sleep deprived when he had said those things, Rin's overwhelming affection for his friends was nothing new. Haru sighed. He wasn't going to make the mistake of thinking that anything like the kind of feelings _he_ felt for Rin were returned. These thoughts hadn't deterred him from reading Rin's message over and over again however.

_'What would it be like if he did feel the same?'_

Hope started to bloom in his chest. In his usual state of mind, he would have dispelled this idea within seconds, but in the haze of his sickness, his thoughts wandered into a daydream as he sluggishly began to make his way to University.

_'Would he let me hold his hand?'_

Rin had joked about it when they had been in Australia, holding his hand out towards Haru in response to his plea for Rin to slow down when they had been traipsing about the foreign land.

_"Want to hold my hand in case you get lost?"_

_"Shut up."_

At the time, the grin on Rin's face had convinced him that he had definitely been teasing him, but it hadn't stopped him wondering for the rest of the trip what might have happened if he had taken Rin up on his offer. Not that it mattered, because regardless of Haru's refusal, Rin had reached out and grabbed his hand anyway on multiple occasions when dragging him around sightseeing. And whilst this was far from the romantic picture Haru had painted in his head, the feeling of Rin's hand in his had made him feel light-headed nonetheless.

Haru unconsciously clutched his own hand with his other, trying to remember how it felt. Those moments had been so fleeting. Rin's touch was now harder to recall than ever before. It had been so long now since they had been in each other's presence. Rin's refusal to acknowledge personal space, (that so often lead to his arm flung haphazardly around Haru's shoulders), was not something Haru ever thought he'd miss.

He missed it even more so when his thoughts turned back to Australia again. Haru hadn't been lying about Rin's tendency to fall asleep on public transport. He had actually been lenient in his accusation, for it had been far more than twice that Rin had fallen asleep either on a bus or train whilst they'd been travelling together. And more often than not, Haru had become Rin's make-shift pillow.

Haru hadn't even noticed that Rin had been dropping off the first time it had happened. They had been waiting for a bus back from Bondi beach - Haru busying himself by reading a 'Japanese to English' dictionary, and Rin occasionally chiming in to help him with his pronunciation.  
After a while, Rin's contributions had become less and less frequent. Haru had just assumed that he'd got bored correcting his bad English, but then a sudden warm weight had fallen against his side and he'd looked to his left to see Rin nestling his head into his shoulder. His breath and hair had tickled Haru's neck and made him shiver. Haru felt himself tremble again at the memory.

Once this had happened a few more times, he had got used to Rin's little habit, but the temptation to hold Rin closer every time had also intensified. On their final day in Australia, whilst waiting for their flight back to Japan, he had finally given into his longing. Hands shaking and heart thumping, Haru had slowly raised his arm, taking care not to rouse him, and tentatively brushed his fingertips against Rin's side. When he did not stir, he had enclosed him in a gentle one-armed embrace. They had remained that way for quite some time until Rin had finally started to wake. Haru had to hastily withdraw his arm before Rin could come to his senses.

Haru's heart ached. He wished he could stop thinking about this. He started walking faster. Rin had been so close that Haru could have easily rested his head against his; felt his soft hair against his cheek.

He smiled to himself. Rin had looked just as he had when he'd fallen asleep that morning on Skype. _'I can't believe he thought he would win.'_ He let out a small snort of laughter when he remembered Rin's message again. _'I forgot to correct him on that.'_

When he arrived at University, he set about emailing Rin straight away as he waited for his training session to begin. He hesitated just before he hit the send button. _'I suppose it couldn't hurt...'_

He started scrolling through the many photos of himself and Makoto that they had taken on Sunday and sent to Rin. There had been one photo that Rin hadn't received however. One that he had taken just after Makoto had left and never plucked up the courage to email to Rin until now. The proper photo that Rin had asked for in the first place. He attached the photo and quickly hit send before he could change his mind.

* * *

Rin felt as though he was floating. A photo of Haru smiling his tiny, adorable smile wasn't what he had been expecting to see the first thing after training, but it certainly wasn't an unwelcome surprise. Though it was at the expense of his pride upon reading Haru's accompanying caption:

_'You fell asleep first, but I guess you can have this photo anyway as a runner up prize.'_

Rin didn't have to look in the mirror to know that he must be furiously red-faced right now. Torn between wanting to email Haru back with a retort or lie on his bed reveling in Haru's photo for a little while longer, he promptly decided on the latter.

Haru really did need to smile more often. His entire face appeared to glow with the emotions that he usually kept so hidden. Rin felt his own face break into a smile at the sight. He was looking at the camera with a gaze full of such affection, that it left Rin yearning to know what he had been thinking of at the time he'd taken it. Rin's smile grew wider, feeling pleased with himself. _'Looks like he bought the photo frame excuse.'_ Though on second thoughts, the photo wouldn't look half bad sitting in a frame. _'But then I would actually have to get photos of everyone else as well.'_ The idea of Haru coming to visit him and asking him why his photo was the only one in a frame was a humiliating prospect to consider.

Trying his best to forget that train of thought, he sat down at his desk and retrieved his letter paper, (which he would flat out deny to purchasing for the sole reason of writing to Haru if anyone ever asked). He was eager to at least start writing his next letter to Haru this evening.

_'If I can't get through to him on Skype tonight, then this will have to do.'_

Despite the flurry of lively words that emerged from his pen as it flew across the paper, a frown still managed to make it's way onto his face.

_'Why didn't he answer my calls earlier?'_

The first thing he had done upon returning from his afternoon training had been to call Haru on Skype - wanting to contest him over who had won their little all-nighter competition. Rin pouted. He still wasn't convinced that Haru was telling the truth. Haru hadn't answered his calls however. Rin knew that he should have finished training at that time, (he had asked Haru for his timetable for this week so that he could be sure). It was possible that he could have been out, but Rin still had a niggling feeling that this wasn't the case.

Forcing himself to refocus, he went back to writing. _'Why am I still worrying about things like that?'_ He paused again to take in what he had written so far. It needed something else. Something special. He couldn't just send another plain old letter after what Haru had sent him, (and the drawings of Rin that he promised to post next time).

_'What could I give to him?'_

He thought back to their recent conversations. Had Haru talked about anything last night that could give him an idea for a present? He regretted thinking about their last Skype conversation immediately. His face was on fire from the memory.

"Arghhh why did I say all that stuff?!" Rin said, as every single ridiculous comment that he had blurted out that night was brought to the forefront of his mind again, not to mention his last message. _'I called him cute to his face. Why did I do that?!'_

Letter temporarily forgotten, Rin cast his pen aside and hid is face in his hands, flushing all the way to the roots of his hair. _'I really must have been tired.'_

Maybe the idea of him being the first to fall asleep wasn't quite so far-fetched after all.

* * *

Rin was calling him again.

Haru bit his lip, his finger dithering over the mouse button. His nerves were getting the better of him again lately. Once again he had felt unable to answer Rin's calls. 

The Skype window kept ringing.

He had been sent home early from training yesterday afternoon, having been told firmly by his coach not to swim at all until he was fully recovered from his cold. The misery this induced had bled into his insecurities over Rin yet again. _  
_

_'He doesn't feel the same about me.'_

How long would he be able to keep his feelings under control when they talked? Especially now after their last call. 

Haru's own sneeze took him by surprise. Feeling sick was helping to improve his mood even less so.

Tension rose within him with each Skype ring. He had to answer. Giving no thought at all as to how rundown he must look, he turned on both his webcam and mic and answered the call just before the last ring.

"Hello?" Haru tried not to recoil at the sound of his own voice, so obviously cold-ridden and drained.

"Haru-", Rin said, pausing to take in the sight of Haru's face. Haru suddenly felt very self-conscious. "-you look terrible!"

Haru would have responded if it weren't for the current dullness of his mind brought on by his sickness. He settled for glowering at Rin instead. Rin looked undeterred however.

"Are you sick?", he said, looking concerned. His worried expression mellowed Haru slightly, but not enough for him to remain stubborn in his denial.

"No." Rin raised his eyebrows at him, the sarcasm more than evident in his face

"Really?"

"It's just a cold."

"That called being sick, idiot." Rin rolled his eyes and ran his hand through his hair in mild exasperation, though Haru could see that he looked faintly amused.

"So I look terrible?"

"Well, you do look pretty sick."

"What happened to looking cute?", Haru said before he could stop himself. It took him a moment for what he had said to catch up with his brain. His eyes widened in horror.

Rin was staring at him open mouthed, looking completely mortified. Haru watched a deep blush begin to set in on his face as he tried his best to stutter out a reply that wasn't an incoherent mess.

"I-I didn't mean-! Ah no I mean, it was an accident! It came out wron-no, I typed that by mistake okay? I was still tired. I wasn't trying to, er, you know? What I mean is that I'd just woken up. It wasn't-"

"Rin-", Haru said, cutting him off. _'I knew all of that already.'_ He forced himself to smile despite the unpleasant feeling now settling in his stomach. "It's okay, I understood what you meant." Haru cast his eyes away. He couldn't bear to look. "I was just teasing you." The pain in his chest had returned stronger. _'Why did I think I could do this?'_

Rin relaxed to some extent, though the colour in his cheeks refused to fade entirely.

"R-right. Good." Rin's eyes were darting about wildly, as though looking for anything that he could possibly turn into a discussion topic. Haru saved him the trouble.

"Did you get my photo?" Rin glanced back at him, looking relieved.

"Ah! Yes, I did. It was-", he stopped abruptly before continuing. "It was great, er, just the kind of photo I was after. Um, anyway!". His attitude suddenly changed. "I don't believe what you said. You definitely fell asleep before me!"

"You fell asleep as I was talking to you."

"I wouldn't do that!"

"Well you di-" Haru then sneezed violently, causing Rin to burst out laughing.

"Ahh sorry, sorry", Rin said, trying to contain his giggles, "but that was really-" He cut himself off again, pressing his lips together tight.

"What?" Haru rubbing is sore nose. _'He's acting odder than usual.'_

"Ah, nothing." Rin said, brushing his hair out of his face and looking flustered. Haru found himself following the movement with his eyes, mesmerised by the way Rin's fingers glided through his vivid hair. _'He's beautiful.'_ He silently cursed his sickness for making it harder for him to control is thoughts.

"Haru?" His gaze snapped back to Rin. "You okay?"

"Yes, why?"

"You look out of it", Rin squinted at him,"and your face is all red."

"No it's not."

"It is."

"I'm sick-"

"So now you admit it."

"-and I've got a fever."

"Idiot." Rin's face softened. "We don't have to talk tonight you know? You should rest. You want to get back to swimming right?"

Haru looked at him, surprised. _'How did he..?'_

"How did you know?"

"What reasonable coach would let you swim in that condition? But I could tell anyway just by looking at you." His look of concern was back. "You look miserable."

"I don't feel that bad." Haru tried to make his response sound more committed than he actually felt. Rin's words and the way he was looking at him instilled a warm glow within him. _'I wish I could hold you.'_

"Haru, go and get some rest okay? I've told you. We don't have to talk tonight."

"But I want to. I didn't answer your earlier call". The damning words were out of his mouth before the significance of them had even registered in his head. Rin stared at him in silence.

"Rin I-". Alarm flooded him, choking his words. _'I'm sorry. Please don't-'_

"You knew I called you?". Rin's voice sounded very small.

"I...yes". There was no way out of it.

"Why didn't you answer?"

"I don't know". The injured look in Rin's eyes caused Haru's throat to constrict horribly.

"Have you-", Rin spoke his next words with intense difficulty,"-done this before? Ignore my calls?"

Haru couldn't bring himself to answer him, though from the look on Rin's face, his expression must have answered Rin's question for him.

"I see."

"Rin, please-"

"I think I'm going to go."

"Please listen, Rin!". Desperation broke in Haru's voice. His heart hurt. _'I'm sorry.'_

"Bye."

"Rin-!"

Rin vanished from his screen. Haru scrambled to call him back again. No response. _'Rin.'_ He pressed the call button again and again. _'You don't understand. Please let me explain.'_

Haru lurched towards his phone where it lay abandoned on his bed, and typed a frantic email to Rin. _'Please reply.'_ He clutched his phone so hard in his hands that it dug painfully into his palms. _'Please.'_

When no response came, he let his phone fall limp in his hands, cradling it to his chest as though it would somehow sooth the anguish that now manifested there. His eyes were burning. He squeezed them shut and curled around his phone, willing it to make a sound.

_'Please reply.'_

* * *

Rin sat unmoving at his desk, head in his hands. His phone started to buzz next to him. He snatched it up and turned it off in one swift movement before collapsing face down into his folded arms. As he turned his head to the side, he caught sight of the letter he had been working on earlier. An agonising sadness grew in his stomach and spread throughout him, stinging behind his eyes.

He picked up the letter and buried it deep in his desk drawer.


	7. Chapter 7

_'Will it get there in time?'_

The frantic thought passed through Haru's head over and over in a never-ending loop, and he still wasn't sure what it meant.

_'In time for what?'_

Haru's own thoughts were starting to make less and less sense even to himself. Lack of sleep had made a mess of his mind. He looked down at the envelope he had gripped tightly in his hands - the only thing keeping him tethered to the still rational part of himself. Would it be enough to repair the damage that he'd caused? His heart gave a sharp jolt as he remembered the look on Rin's face again.

_'I did that to him.'_

His hands shook and he bit his lip as the burning sensation started to build once again in his eyes and throat. It took a large, shuddering intake of breath for him to keep his composure. The line of people in front of him at the post office stood unmoving. He simultaneously wished for time to move faster and for it to stop completely, so that he could calm his restless whirlwind of thoughts and catch his breath.

Agitated, Haru felt his body tense up. He grimaced as pain flared in his right hand and arm. It still ached from all the writing he had done last night; writing and re-writing the letter he currently clasped. He was sure that it must have been the most he had ever written in his life, though it still felt like too little.

He found himself checking his phone again for any emails from Rin. Nothing. The hollow feeling in his chest grew.

Was this how it had felt for Rin? The envelope creased as Haru's grip on it became tighter.

The line of people gradually dispersed and Haru moved closer to the front desk, envelope held close to his heart.

_'Please understand, Rin.'_

* * *

He hadn't expected it to hurt this much. Rin lay on his bed, staring intently at his phone, the emails he'd received from Haru four days ago flashed back at him unread. The longer he looked, the harder it became for him to open them. He had assumed from the very start that staying in touch with Haru wasn't exactly going to be easy, but even when he had begun to have suspicions that Haru had been avoiding his calls, he hadn't anticipated the confrontation to go down quite like it had.

_'Why did I react like that?'_

Rin rolled over on his bed as he felt his stomach contort into knots. The pain was still as raw as it had been the moment Haru's confession had left his mouth, but the guilt that had ensued since made him feel worse. _'I should have at least let him explain.'_

The initial anger and hurt that he had felt before disconnecting from Skype had consumed him too much for him to fully comprehend Haru's last words. It was as though Haru had been calling out to him whilst being submerged deep underwater, his words muted and indistinguishable. But now that the memory was swimming before him once again, the distress he had seen in Haru's face as he'd begged Rin to listen, was as distinct as if he were standing before him at this very moment.

"I should have listened to him."

His throat felt sore as he spoke aloud. If it had been any of his other friends who had ignored his calls would he have reacted the same? Rin already knew the answer before he'd even considered his own question. Sure he'd be upset and pissed off if Sousuke ever deliberately ignored him, (and Rin would undoubtedly give him a good kick in the shins next time he saw him), but react this badly? Rin frowned. Why was Haru any different?

Rin exhaled loudly in frustration as he sat up and made to grab his phone again. _'I'm being ridiculous!'_

Haru was his friend, Rin forcibly pressed the buttons on his phone and opened his inbox, he owed him at least to read what he had to say. Haru deserved that much. He clicked on the first email.

_Rin I'm sorry. Please pick up on Skype - Haru_

Rin's heart ached with dread. _'Haru'._ The feeling only grew heavier as he read each successive email.

_Please let me explain._

Rin brought a hand up to his face.

_I'm sorry._

Everything felt hot and his head was spinning.

_Rin._

He didn't think it was possible for a single word to instill such pain and sorrow within him. His shoulders slumped and fell back onto his bed. He never wanted this.

 _'I only ever wanted to make him smile'._ He wanted it so desperately that it hurt. He wish Haru understood how he felt.

What _was_ it that he felt? Rin thought of Haru and the way he swam, how he glided so effortlessly with the powerful elegance that Rin so admired and how much he longed to be back alongside him in the water again. His body tingled with adrenaline and his heart rate sped up. He remembered Haru's smile and the way it lit up his face as his emotions shone through, leaving cracks his usually cool facade, and the way it broke down completely when Rin had managed to make him blush. The memory left a warm feeling in his chest which lulled the sadness that had settled there previously.

Rin's eyes widened as his thoughts then began to tumble away from him. Haru's face and how his soft hair fell into his eyes - eyes that gleamed bright with passion and a competitive heat that so often left Rin feeling short of breath. The way his hands moved deftly across his sketchbook when he was drawing, captivating Rin with how his pencil danced along the page, the hands that he hadn't been able to resist clasping in his own whilst running around Australia.

Rin swallowed with difficulty. Haru was his friend, but the more he repeated this to himself, the less inclined he was to believe that was all that he wished for them to be. He hadn't expected being ignored by Haru to hurt this much, but he knew why it did. And this fact hurt him more than rejected Skype calls ever could.

_'I like him a lot more than I thought.'_

A blush that he had somehow been able to contain up until now, started to spread rapidly across his face, rising high on his cheeks.

Rin jumped as his phone buzzed next to him, wrenching him out of his reverie. He snatched it up immediately. His heart leapt when he saw that it was an email from Haru - the first time he had tried to contact him in four days. He opened it hesitantly and blinked at the message in surprise.

_Check your post._

* * *

The envelope was pink again. Rin's hands were shaky as he gave his signature to the courier at his door step. Since reading Haru's message, he had waited all morning through to the afternoon for his mail to arrive. Nothing out of the ordinary had arrived with his usual post, leaving him bewildered as to what Haru could have possibly meant by his cryptic email. A knock on his door an hour or so later had then cleared up his confusion. A letter sent by express delivery.

Rin thumbed the letter in his hands as he watched the courier walk away. He could feel slight creases under his fingertips as he did so.  
Feeling dazed, he made his way back inside, sitting down at his kitchen table and stared down at the envelope. It was heavier than normal. His heart skipped a beat when he noticed that the date stamped on the front indicated that it had been sent the day after his last Skype call to Haru. _'He must have written this that night.'_

Hands still unsteady, Rin carefully opened the envelope and pulled out the letter. As he did, more loose paper fell out. He hurried to catch them before they fell to the floor. His breath caught his in throat as he realised what they were. They were the sketches of himself that Haru had promised to send him. His eyes stung and he rubbed at them hard. The drawings were even more beautiful in person.

_'Haru.'_

He unfurled the letter and began to read. His heart twinged when he noted the uncharacteristic messiness of Haru's handwriting along with crossings out. His emotions appeared to spill out upon the page as his strokes slipped, becoming unrefined and raw. And although it was as carefully worded as ever, there was something less restrained in his writing this time around.

_Rin,_

_I am sorry for what I did. I hope you can forgive me. What I did was wrong. ~~and I never meant to hurt you.~~ There were times that I did not answer ~~because I was scared~~_ ~~_of_~~ _because I was unsure as to what I could say to you. Some days it feels as though I will have nothing of interest to say to you ~~whereas you always do~~ and I am afraid that one day you will stop talking to me and then you will ~~leave me again~~ disappear again. Then it would be months or even years before we would cross paths once more ~~and I would miss you even more~~ I can't reach you on Skype or by email, so I hope that this letter will reach you as quickly as I was told that it would. I have sent you the drawings I did of you like I said I would. I hope they have arrived okay. _

_Haru_

Rin sat stunned in his chair. If he wasn't sure about what he felt for Haru before, he was certain of it now. His heart blazed with new-found affection and courage. _'I need to call him.'_

Carrying the letter and the sketches with him as though they were precious relics, he moved to his bedroom, heart pounding as he turned on his PC and loaded up Skype. Haru was online. Rin took a deep breath and clicked the call button. Haru answered almost instantly.

"Rin", he said, after a few moments of awkward silence had passed between them. Haru eyes were flitting around, as though it was the first Skype call all over again. Rin heart sank. _'Will we have to start over?' ._ Haru looked exhausted.

"Hey."

Another awkward silence fell before they both tried to speak at the same time.

"Rin I'm sorry I-"

"Sorry I didn't listen to you -"

Flushing, Rin watched as Haru pressed his lips together and gave him a short nod, letting him continue.

"Er, I'm sorry, Haru." Rin found it harder than usual to look up at his screen. "I...I over-reacted. I should have listened to you." Rin stole a look up at Haru. He was looking away, opening and closing his mouth silently before finally deciding on what to say,

"Did you-"

"I got your letter", Rin blurted out, accidentally interrupting him. "Ah sorry I didn't mean-"

"It's okay". Haru met his gaze for the first time. "How about the drawings?"

Rin felt the heat rise in his face. "Yeah they're fine". He paused again, wanting to say something more, but his mind was at a loss as to what to say that wouldn't cause him extreme embarrassment. "They look even better not on webcam." His attempts at sounding casual had failed miserably. He looked away, abashed.

"I meant what I wrote", Haru said. Rin looked back at him, "and I promise to answer all your calls from now on."

Rin pouted, Haru's earnestness and determined eyes were not helping him in his goal to appear unruffled. "You can't answer them all the time", he muttered. "What if you're out?" He bit his lip, steeling himself up, "But...thanks." He rubbed the back of neck. "And thanks for your letter too." He took a deep breath. "I won't be disappearing anytime soon okay?" He felt his neck grow hot under his palm and hoped his blush wasn't that noticeable. When he next looked back at the camera, Haru's was gaze was turned downwards, but he had a small smile on his face. This alone was enough to make Rin's heart soar in his chest.

_'We're okay.'_

Rin smiled, and although the awkwardness had not entirely dissipated, they were far from being back at square one like he'd originally feared.

"Are you still sick?". Rin tentatively tried to ease to them back into their usual flow of conversation.

"I'm better. I'm allowed to swim again". Haru's eyes were shining with a child-like excitement and it was so endearing that Rin almost voiced his affection towards him out-loud.

"Good". He grinned as his own feelings of enthusiasm were ignited. "You'll need to be training hard if you want to match me in the pool in a couple of months."

"What?"

"You coach must have told you."

"About what?"

"Universiade." When Haru still looked puzzled, Rin began to elaborate, albeit with frustration lingering in his words. _'How does he not know?!'_

"Have you been daydreaming during training or something? Ah, I guess it can't be helped if you've been off sick for a while. It's an international sporting event for University athletes, including swimmers", he looked at Haru pointedly, "and if you get one of the best times in your University team, you might be chosen to enter and represent Japan. So, what do you say?". His grin widened. "Are you ready to show the world your freestyle?". Haru's eyes were wide.

"How many swimmers are chosen?"

"Two per event. And I plan on being chosen to be in at least one freestyle and butterfly." Rin's heart was beating hard. "Will you be joining me, Haru?" Rin only needed to see the fire burning in Haru's eyes to know what his answer was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a lot of thought, I've decided to set this fic according to the timeline in which Free! is set earlier than our present day, so they graduate in March 2009 and hence begin University in late March/April 2009. As of this chapter, it is the beginning of May and Haru is approximately 5 weeks into University and Rin about 6 weeks. The Summer Universiade in Serbia will take place in early July.
> 
> I have done my best to research this to try and be as accurate as possible, but if there are any problems with this, please let me know so that I can edit accordingly whilst the story is still in it's early stages. Thank you! ^-^


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been away. I had personal reasons which I stated on my blog, but things are improving now. Hope you enjoy this chapter ^-^

"You're faster."

Haru glanced up at Makoto from where he was floating, panting at the pool's edge. A brief glance at the knowing smile on Makoto's face was enough to tell him that Makoto wasn't merely commenting on his speed. _'It looks like something, or maybe someone, has motivated you recently.'_ Haru frowned at him and looked away.

"Not really."

Makoto gave a small laugh, a spark of amusement in his eyes. _'I think I know who.'_

Haru promptly turned around and submerged himself in the water once more. He was starting to regret inviting Makoto to stay at his for the weekend. Keeping his recent revelations about his feelings towards Rin a secret from his best friend had not been an easy task in the past few weeks. Makoto's ability to decipher Haru's thoughts and feelings from even the briefest of emails was uncanny. It was even harder in person when he could feel Makoto's perceptive gaze piercing into the back of his head. He could feel it now as he steadily increased his speed through the water.

Makoto was right. He _was_ faster. Haru had felt it before he'd even left the starting block. If a fire had been lit beneath him since his return from Australia, Rin had gone and added an entire forest to the flames.

 _'Universiade.'_ Rin's voice echoed through his mind as he plowed on faster and faster, gliding effortlessly through the clear blue. When he closed his eyes, all Haru could see was red - the red of Rin's hair that flared and flickered around his face like flames around the sun - calling him onward.

He had told himself to start caring about times and winning for the sake of his dream, but Haru had never expected this. The exhilarating rush he had felt when his coach had first shown him his new best time had surprised him, and was something he now craved. Haru hadn't thought it possible to understand the way Rin felt about his times, passing Rin's feelings off as something frivolous, something separate to how Haru himself saw his relationship with the water to be. But now he was starting to think that he had been wrong. As he flew through the pool with an ever increasing speed, he felt himself become more at one with the waves. This was what it meant to be the best in the water. He realised now that this was something he shared, and not just with Rin, but with everyone else around them who was training to be the best.

Haru's heart felt light on the turn as he sped back towards far end of the pool. He suddenly envisioned Rin speeding past beside him, leaving him breathless in his wake. He urged his limbs to move faster.

_'I need to see him.'_

They hadn't been able to find the time to Skype in over two weeks, and the yearning ache in Haru's chest was now close to unbearable. Exchanging emails wasn't enough when all Haru wanted to hear was Rin's voice and see his face. Instead, he threw himself into his swimming, letting the water soothe him and be the salvation he needed from his wandering thoughts. He reminded himself over and over that he would see Rin again soon. Universiade was less than two months away. He could wait.

_'I just need to stay focused.'_

But it was difficult when his subconscious kept conjuring up visions of Rin swimming alongside him, and then again late at night in more suggestive sorts of scenarios when Haru was about to drift off to sleep.

Haru hit his hand against the pool wall with a resounding smack, much harder than he had intended. Though the stinging pain in his right hand served as a good deterrent to the curling heat that had begun to strir in the pit of his stomach. Makoto raised his eyebrows but otherwise didn't comment on why Haru offered up his left hand when Makoto moved to lift him out of the pool.

"You're not pushing  yourself too hard are you, Haru?", Makoto said as his brow furrowed in concern. "Shouldn't this weekend be your training break?". Haru shook the droplets out of his hair.

"Not all swimming is training", he looked pointedly at Makoto, "and you were the one who asked me how my times had improved". Haru's mouth twitched into a small smile as Makoto laughed awkwardly, looking abashed.

"Ah. Yes, I guess I did."

As they started making their way towards the changing rooms of the public pool, Haru saw a small child out of the corner of his eye treading water in the shallow end of the pool. He was pointing in his and Makoto's direction, tugging on his mother's arm and speaking in a loud whisper.

"That boy's really fast!"

Haru pretended not to hear him and carried on walking, avoiding Makoto's attempts to catch his eye. Makoto chuckled.

"He was watching you the whole time", Makoto grinned as Haru looked up at him. "I think you might have inspired him."

 

* * *

 

Haru listened to Makoto talk animatedly about his university studies as they sat eating lunch outside a small restaurant that afternoon. He smiled and inwardly took back his earlier regretful thoughts over having Makoto here with him. Whether it was deliberate on Makoto's part or not, the companionable atmosphere gave Haru a much needed distraction from the pangs of longing that had a tendency to overwhelm him when he was alone.

Then Makoto stopped talking to take sip of his drink and surveyed him with a look in his eye that instantly made Haru's palms sweat. He took care to keep his face neutral. Haru thought he might as well have blurted out his feelings for Rin right then and there for all the good it did however.

"You really are working hard, Haru", Makoto said in earnest. Haru relaxed slightly in his chair.

"I meant what I said after Australia", Haru looked away hurriedly at the widening of Makoto's eyes,  _'I'm chasing my dream.'_ Somehow he was worried that he'd said too much. But then the broad smile on Makoto's face reassured him again.

"And you really do care about your times now don't you?", he said. Haru stared off at a point somewhere above Makoto's left shoulder.

"What makes you say that?". Makoto looked amused, bringing a hand up to his face to stifle a small laugh.

"You didn't hesitate to show me how fast you had become", Haru, taken aback, met his gaze again, "you were serious and went all out". Haru had to suppress the urge to pout.

 _'I'm always serious.'_ Makoto didn't stifle his laugh this time.

"You're always serious right?" Haru frowned, his face warming a little. "I meant that, in the past, you never would have swam purely to display your speed to someone who asked, yes?", Haru's eyes widened. "It wasn't ever something that interested you. I get the feeling that's not the case anymore."

Makoto gave him that knowing look again and Haru could feel his own heartbeat pulse in his ears.

"You've got even more to swim for now."

Haru couldn't think of anything more to say after that.

 

* * *

 

It wasn't until Makoto had left for the train, after spending the rest of the day playing video games at Haru's apartment, that Haru realised it. Makoto hadn't inquired about Rin. Not even once. Haru collapsed down onto his bed, burying his reddening face into his pillow.

 _'He already knows.'_

 

* * *

 

Rin's phone buzzed shrilly next to his ear, making him jolt upright from where he had been lying on his bed, about to fall asleep after hours of being wide awake with restless thoughts. Irritated, he snatched up his phone and squinted at the time, 01:14 am.

He huffed angrily and was about to turn it off (though his first impulse had been to throw the damn thing across the room) when he noticed that the notification had been for an email. His heart felt lighter for a moment.

_'Haru...?'_

He opened the email with a tentative click. It was from Sousuke. And it was blank.

"Sousuke!" Rin growled and threw his phone unceremoniously across the room, where it landed in his discarded pile of clothes, of which he had yet to find the energy to tidy away. He fell back down onto his bed, seething. After a few minutes he felt foolish, and sheepishly retrieved the, thankfully, undamaged device. He frowned down at the blank email. Surely it was a mistake, but-

_'Maybe he needs to talk?'_

It wouldn't hurt to check he conceded, even if it did have the added risk of Sousuke mocking him for 'worrying about him too much' (and that wouldn't be the first time that had happened).

As he started up his PC, Rin's thoughts turned back Haru, the reason for his restlessness in the first place. He glanced down at his phone again, his fingertips hovering over Haru's name in his address book. Would he still be awake? Rin tried not to feel disappointed when he remembered that Haru had told him that he had early morning training tomorrow. This fact didn't stop him seeking out Haru's name in his online Skype contacts however. _'I've not seen him for weeks.'_

Sousuke was online. Rin drummed his fingers impatiently as he waited for Sousuke to pick up his call.

"Rin? What's up?" He looked completely fine, if somewhat bemused. It was infuriating.

"You emailed me", Rin said through gritted teeth. Sousuke raised his eyebrows.

"I did?"

"Yes."

"What did I say?"

"It was blank!"

 Furious, Rin watched as Sousuke yawned and reclined further onto his bed, still refusing to acknowledge Rin's anger.

"Sorry that must have been an accident", he paused, "did I wake you?". Incredulous, Rin closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose in an attempt to calm down.

"It's past 1am, what you do think?". At least Sousuke now had the grace to look guilty.

"Ah right, sorry about that-", he rubbed the back of his shoulder, "-wait, were you worrying about me again?". An angry flush spread across Rin's face.

"No! I was already awake, so I thought I'd check-"

"But you said I woke you?"

"You did! Arghh just shut up!". Sousuke's deadpan expression then faltered and he started to laugh.

"Stop laughing!", Rin said, though his own laughter was now obscuring his words.

"Hey, you're laughing too."

"I'm delirious from lack of sleep, it's got nothing to do with you." Rin pretended he hadn't caught the fond expression on his own face that his webcam had captured on the bottom right of his Skype window. Sousuke yawned again.

"So, now that's cleared up", Rin rolled his eyes at the trace of sarcasm, "are you going back to bed?"

"Hmm, well I'm awake now thanks to you, so I guess I could stay on a little while", Rin ran his hand through the back of his hair, "and talk to you and others for a bit you know?". He looked down and picked up his phone out of habit, checking the time again.

"Are you waiting for Nanase to come online?" Rin cricked his neck from the speed at which he lifted his head to scowl at Sousuke.

"Ow! No! That's not what-", he massaged the back of his sore neck, "I meant that if he-if anyone else came online-". Sousuke was straight-faced, but Rin could see the laughter behind his eyes. He wished he could somehow kick him in the leg through the screen.

"Look", Rin said, defeated, "I've not spoken to him for a while". He chanced a look back at the screen before looking away. Sousuke looked a little more sympathetic.

"How long?"

"Almost three weeks."

"Your training schedules clash then?". Rin nodded. "He was on this evening, so if you'd been on earlier you might have caught him."

"Wait, what?"

"He was only on for about half an hour-"

"Sousuke-"

"-I didn't talk to him but-"

"-you have _Haru_ on Skype?!"

"Yeah, so?". Rin gaped at him. "Tachibana gave me his Skype name when I asked."

" _Makoto?"_

"I have his email."

"When did you-", Rin pinched the bridge of his nose again, "-ah forget it." Sousuke raised an eyebrow at him. "What do you and Haru even _talk_ about?"

"Cooking."

"What?"

"I ask him for tips and stuff", Sousuke shrugged, "that's why I added him. I remembered him being good at cooking in middle school..."

Rin spaced out as Sousuke continued talking, only managing to catch something vague about 'croquettes'. Haru talked to _Sousuke?_ His heart hammered in his chest. The idea of Haru and his best friend, both equally as stoic and cool towards each other, somehow bonding over something so unexpected as _cooking_ should have induced raucous laughter upon the instant he heard it. Instead, his stomach felt tight and there was an odd heat behind his eyes.

"-so we ended up Skyping to exchange recipe ideas sometimes-", Rin tuned back in to what Sousuke was saying, "-it's not that big of a deal thou-" he cut himself off, narrowing his eyes at Rin. "What's wrong? You look...strange."

"I don't!" Rin tried to will his heart rate back down to a normal pace.

"You're not jealous are you?"

"No! Why would I be?!" Sousuke was laughing again.

"Relax, I wasn't serious", he said, though Rin noticed that he had a peculiar look in his eyes, "anyway, I need to go now, so I'll talk to you later yeah?"

"Right. See you." Sousuke disappeared from his screen. Rin sighed and logged out himself, brushing his hair out his face in agitation. _'How can I sleep now?'_

Without thinking, he found himself rooting through his desk drawer to find his still unfinished letter he had meant to post it to Haru three weeks ago. After the mishap of their falling out that time, it had been hard to read back over his own words without left over feelings of hurt and embarrassment. As he started to read, his body surged with affection as he recalled Haru's last letter, his drawings, the tiny smiles he gave when he thought no-one was looking. _'Cute.'_ Rin smiled himself and brought a hand up to his mouth.

 _'I like him a lot.'_ He really had been jealous of Sousuke. _'I'm an idiot.'_

He wondered idly if Haru would ever want to cook together with him, or maybe _for_ him. Rin felt very hot all over as his brain began to imagine all sorts of ridiculous, domestic scenarios. He grabbed a pen off his desk and tried to distract himself with finishing the letter instead.

_'...we exchange recipe ideas sometimes-'_

Rin stopped writing mid-sentence as Sousuke's words floated up from his subconscious. He grinned as an idea then began to form in his mind.

 

* * *

 

Regardless of how hard he'd tried, Haru had been unable to restrain his excitement when Rin's name finally showed up as 'online' in his Skype contacts. He was sure he must have had a grin on his face bordering on deranged when Rin answered his call and he saw his face for the first time in weeks. His embarrassment was fleeting however, for Rin was smiling back at him, looking just as happy as he felt. Haru felt his whole body tremble.

"Haru!"

"Hey."

"It's been a while."

Haru couldn't take his eyes of Rin's face. All the feelings of longing that had built up over the weeks they hadn't spoken now swelled up inside him, so fast he felt as though they might tumble out of him if he even dared open his mouth for any longer than a second. He wished he could hold him, wished he could brush back his hair and feel just how soft his face felt under his fingers. _'I want to kiss you.'_

"Yeah", Haru managed to force out.  Rin's eyes were shining, and he looked restless, like he was on the brink of unleashing the word equivalent of a torrent. But before Rin could start, a loud knocking reverberated throughout Haru's room making them both jump. Haru glanced out the window.

"There's someone at my door". Rin looked crestfallen.

"You're expecting someone?". Haru shook his head.

"No I'm not", he got up from his chair reluctantly. "It's not someone I know". The knocking started again. "I'll go and see who it is."

"Okay", Rin still looked a bit deflated, so Haru smiled at him.

"I'll be back soon."

 

* * *

 

"Can I have a signature please?"

Haru blinked at the courier on his doorstep, then stared down at the blue-wrapped parcel in their hands, accompanied by a letter. He quickly fetched a pen and signed for the mail. Looking closer at the envelope, he saw that the handwriting looked familiar.

"Rin", Haru said as he stepped back into his bedroom, scanning his laptop screen. When Rin's face popped back into view, he held up the letter to his webcam for Rin to see. "Is this from you?"

"Yes!", Rin had perked back up again, "that was what I was going to ask you about. Did you get the parcel too?"

"This?", Haru held up the blue parcel. Rin nodded enthusiastically, grinning.

"Yeah that's i- wait no what are you doing?!" The elation on Rin's face quickly turned to horror as Haru started to open the letter, "-don't read it now!"

"Why not?"

"Just don't okay?", he was blushing and gesturing wildly with his hands, "-it will be embarrassing", he muttered not meeting Haru's eyes. Haru was half tempted to proceed with the opening just so that he could see more of those kinds of reactions from Rin. _'So cute.'_

"Can I open this one?", he said, pointing to the blue parcel. Rin nodded, albeit with reluctance and a hand half covering his face. Haru took care not to tear the blue paper as he unwrapped it. It was a book. He frowned at the English title, trying to pick out any words he knew.

"Seaside recipes from Australia?", he said eventually, looking to Rin for confirmation. His hands shook slightly. Rin had got this for _him_? His heart ached with a pained happiness. He wanted to be in the same room as the other boy right now.

"Yeah!", Rin was beaming at him, making his heart warm even more, "I know it's in English, but I've translated a few of the first recipes in there for you". Haru opened the book and saw that Rin had painstakingly translated and written out the first five or so recipes for him in Japanese on little bits of paper inserted between the pages.

"You like cooking seafood the most right? So I thought that you might like it."

"Rin", Haru found it difficult to keep the emotion in his voice under control, "thank you". He was holding on so tightly to the book in his hands, that he almost tore the pages between his fingertips. Haru quickly relinquished his grip. Rin gave him a warm smile.

"I wanted to get you something as a thank you for the drawings you sent me", he turned away laughing and looking bashful again, "and I thought you'd appreciate this more than a terrible drawing done by me."

"I wouldn't mind that either", Haru said softly. He couldn't stop staring down at the book in his hands. Rin laughed again.

"If you say so", he met Haru's eyes again in a determined gaze, "oh and don't bother going to Sousuke to ask for any translations for that book-"

"Yamazaki?", Haru looked up at him in bewilderment. _'What is he talking about?'_

"-he's terrible at English", Rin tilted his head at him, "you guys talk to each other about cooking right? He told me."

 _'Oh.'_ Haru shrugged, "We don't talk that much. He just asks me for cooking tips sometimes". Haru noted that Rin looked curiously pleased about this.

"Either way, call me okay? If there's a recipe you need help translating or anything..."

"Yeah."

Then the Skype call died. Panicking, Haru pressed the call button again and again, but nothing happened. _'Will he think I hung up on him?'_ Haru couldn't bear to have another misunderstanding like before.

Just as he was checking his internet connection, his phone buzzed with an email from Rin:

_Sorry Haru! I think Skype has broken for me. My calls won't go through._

Relief washed over him. Haru replied as fast as he could:

_It's not working for me either._

Haru glared at the offending piece of software as he waited for Rin to reply. Weeks of waiting and their conversation had been cut short. His phone buzzed again.

_Stupid thing. Looks like we'll have to email instead then._

Haru laughed at the photo Rin had also sent of himself, looking as though he was pulling the most sulky expression that he possibly could at the camera. Haru started typing back a message, thinking hard about what he wanted to say, typing and re-typing. He read it through one last time, then sent it hurriedly before he lost the nerve. Haru sank onto his bed, hugging a pillow to his face as his heart beat madly against his rib cage.

_I wish it hadn't broken. I wanted to talk to you more. I missed you._

It felt like hours before Rin's reply came. Haru held his breath as he read:

_I missed you too._

In that moment, Rin's last message was the most precious thing in the world to him.

 

* * *

 

They emailed each other throughout the rest of the evening until Rin had to go to bed, but it wasn't the same. Haru furiously continued to hit the call button on the Skype window, still without result. Rin kept emailing:

_Are you free tomorrow afternoon? Maybe it will be working by then and my training will be finished by 1pm._

_Yes. I'm free all day._

_That's great! I'll Skype you around 2pm then? If it works..._

_That's good with me._

_See you then! Night Haru._

_Yeah. Goodnight. Can I open your letter now?_

_NO!_

Haru gave a snort of laughter and put his phone down on his bedside table. He reclined on his bed, feeling giddy. His phone buzzed again with another email from Rin.

_Goodnight_

He'd sent him a photo of himself again. He was in bed, his mussed up hair cascading down over his face onto his pillow and a small, gentle smile on his face. Haru's heart went haywire.

Letting out a deep breath, he put his phone on the table again, flopping back down onto his bed. With Rin's picture seared in his mind, Haru closed his eyes. He wondered what it would be like to kiss him. His hands felt hot on his stomach as he imagined the touch of Rin's lips on his. Trembling, he brought a hand up to his face and tentatively brushed his fingertips across his bottom lip.

_'Would he be shy?'_

Haru's face burned. He closed his eyes tighter and threw his arm across his face. It suddenly felt harder to breath than before.

_'No. Maybe at first, but-'_

Rin would kiss like he swam. The hand on his stomach gave an involuntary twitch. He gripped the fabric of his shirt in his fist. Haru could feel Rin's hands on his face, his fingers burying into the roots of his hair as he kissed him deep with all the fierce passion he usually reserved for the pool. The hair around Haru's forehead was starting to feel damp with the heat of his face. He wouldn't let Rin win of course. He would kiss him back just as hard. They would be so close.

The hand on his stomach crept lower, the movement sending pleasant tingles through his skin and up his spine. He recalled what Rin's body had felt like against him when he'd embraced him, the warmth of his skin mingling with his own. Haru remembered the way Rin's hair had tickled his cheek and his hot breath on his neck.

He inhaled sharply as he grasped himself through his boxers. A new wave of heat flooded through him as he started to move his hand in slow, deliberate motions over the growing hardness. He thought of Rin's eyes and how they blazed with intensity when he swam.

_'The same way he looks at me.'_

Haru stifled a small moan. The hand resting over his eyes shook and slid down his face, over his mouth. He imagined that the desperate pants of his own shaky breath on the back of his hand were Rin's and that it was Rin's hands on him, touching him with increasing pace and urgency.

Heat was consuming him. Haru pushed past the material of his boxers and took his cock fully into his hand but it wasn't enough. Frustrated, he pushed them down completely where they caught on one of his feet, his legs quivering, now too weak to shake them off.

_'Haru...'_

He could hear Rin's voice in his head chanting his name over and over, and he couldn't stop the noises escaping his mouth now as he rapidly began to lose control of his thoughts, becoming lost in the disjointed, but vivid sounds and sensations of his fantasy. Rin's hands trailing over his torso and his mouth, red eyes blazing. Haru's own hands on Rin, feeling his skin under his fingertips as he gripped him hard, pulling him closer. The Rin of his fantasy let Haru pin him down and gasped as Haru pressed fevered kisses to his stomach, his hips, his thighs.

A small whimper escaped Haru's throat and he stroked himself faster.

Gripping the back of his fantasy Rin's knees, Haru imagined pushing his legs up and apart as Rin clasped the back of Haru's neck, pulled him down into a searing kiss.

Haru came hard onto his stomach and let his head fall back onto his pillow, his face numb and heart aflame.


End file.
